How do i move on please help

[Destraught]

I have been with my partner for 13 year,we have 2 children together,we have been engaged for 11 years,at the begining of this year my partner talked about us going away abroad to get married so i looked at some place picked one and said i would like to go there,i never thought he would do any thing about it till one day in january this year he sent me a text saying holiday booked and we get married on the 9th of november,great i could no believe it as the weeks went by we got all our wedding paper work sorted,i bought my wedding dress three weeks ago we bought our wedding rings,last thursday with only nine weeks to go and out of the blue my partner left me,i have asked him time and time again why he has done this all i get is he was to scared to go through with the wedding,ok i understand that and would not have had a problem not getting married,i just do not understand why he has thrown 13 years away just not to get married,im so lost and so hurt and so angry i do ont know what to do.

Yes, but you're a bloke and not a very eloquent one at that.

"Yes, but you're a bloke and not a very eloquent one at that. "

love the way some women on here are so happy to revert to casual sexism and somehow feel that wins them the argument.
but if your willing to use your kids as leverage i'm sure your a top top mum. well done.

yes, well done, dear.

Now, fuck along now, there's a good bloke.

i too think its unhelpful to start doing the "you're a man" stuff. i think women sometimes revert to it in stressful situations when they don't know what to say because there often is nothing useful to say.
it sounds like a horrible situation, destraught, splitting up really is. i imagine, rather than flinging around "he's not a real man" accusations (maybe he had nowhere else except his mums to go?) to accept you both are probably having a terrible, dreadful time. splitting up is rarely easy for either party. i have left and been left and it is all miserable and difficult.

to try and empathise with your partner (im not saying you should try, it is probably too painful a place) i would suggest he gave it one big push to make it work, planned a wedding as a sort of make or break in his head, to help him commit to something he had been feeling unsure about for a while. in my humble experience i often see people about to get married when their relationships are rocky. its often a sign of wanting something in the relationship to change. falling out of love with someone does not make a person a bastard, it just happens. and it hurts.

it is normal and usual to feel hurt and angry. i think hard though it is, its important to try and work through with civility to get to a position where you can create the best situation for you all, including the kids. it may seem a million miles away now, but you have children and a long history together and that can be an amazing basis for friendship. i am best friends with one of my exes, and am friendly with them all, it can be done. although obviously for now it is maybe far too tricky. small steps.
you WILL eventually get over it.
best of luck.

"yes, well done, dear.

Now, fuck along now, there's a good bloke."

oh your arguments are so well thought out and informative. mind your back carrying that chip around on your shoulder.
apologies to the op i didn't mean to turn your thread into a slanging match and won't reply to further goading.
unfortunately there is very little advice i can give without hearing your dp's side.
he could have simply gotten cold feet and this is a paniced reaction which he has not thought through and will soon regret, but as i say without hearing from him it's impossible to know.