Ex narcissistic husband turned up after I went NC for 3 years.
We were together for 18 years, where he was financially, emotionally and physically abusive to me and our children.
I left him after an incredibly difficult year of death, illness and then he moved his mother into our house after his father died. He is enmeshed with her and she is an even more toxic narcissist than him.
I do not use the word narcissist lightly! He was with his OW throughout our marriage and he is still with her.
He turned up, saying he wanted to see our children , teenagers, 18 and 19 years old.
They did not want to see him as he had really messed us up..... a long story!! Another thread!
He told me how much he had loved me, loved being married to me and that it wasn’t the same with her!
Then and this is the real narcissistic text book stuff. He gas lit me over various situations for years.
One situation was , he used to work selling property In Bulgaria and he used to go on several trips there each year. He called from Bulgaria to tell me that prostitutes were approaching him. When he got home I found condoms in his suitcase! I asked him why he had condoms in his case, he said I must have put them in there!
We argued over that for ages!
Then he went to Amsterdam with mates from work, where he had lap dances, told me other friends had sex with prostitutes. He came home, said he had to fly to Spain and then flew back out to Amsterdam with his boss, my ex BIL and said that ex BIL slept with prostitution again, but that he didn’t.
Then on Sunday after all those years he told me he had packed the condoms as he thought he may get drunk in Bulgaria and sleep with prostitutes!!
Somebody talk sense into me...... he was abusive in the marriage, cheated, lied, fucked me over in so many ways, gave me stds which he again denies.
Was with OW and yet I haven’t moved on in nearly 4 years! I had a breakdown when I left him, his mother created so many problems, I became suicidal.
I left him, but he has treated the OW so much better than me, Long haul holidays, meals out, date nights.
Yet he treated me like shit! I had been confident and outgoing, now I’m a battle weary shell of my former self. I have broken my heart over this situation so many times. I have been through Women’s Aid, had counselling, done the Freedom programme, but I am still bloody useless!
How do I get over this fucking arsehole? I’ve gone NC, I’m off of all SM.
I felt like I was going to die when I saw him again, such PTSD type feelings.
Please help me to see the light, I know I’m trauma bonded and that seeing him has set me spiralling down again. ☹️