Moving away and losing all your mates

[Randomname85]

I moved away at the end of 2017, only an hours drive/train from where I lived before. Since then my friends have basically vanished! My ‘best’ mate is a virtual stranger now, I’ve seen him 4 times in the last two years and 3 of those times I visited him with my baby then toddler. Others visited once at the beginning (novelty) and not since. I have a small child and another on the way and feel incredibly lonely and naive for thinking I could maintain my friendships (which I thought were really solid) after moving away. I know I need to get out there and meet new people in the new area (which I love and see my future here completely) but ‘mum’ groups and the like are all well and good but no one really meets up afterwards.

Has anyone been in this situation? I’m so disappointed with all of the people I truly love(d) having just dropped me because I’m a short train ride away. Most of the time I am actually too busy to even feel lonely but then I’ll be at a café and see a load of pals together or walk past a pub filled with mates. I was already social before so it’s a weird change.

I've been there, several times!! I really do feel for you... the worst loneliness was this last move when I had a one year old and a newborn... the loneliness was crippling.

I think it's quite usual for home town friends to stay in the home town! I really empathise though.

Hi Op

Ive been there several times in my life.
I no longer speak to anyone i hung out with as a teen / early twenties because, like you say, once the novelty of a weekend away for them wears off, and you cant afford the time or money to make all the effort yourself people drift.
Im mid thirties now and have moved around 5 or 6 times to completely new areas for work. Now, i have few close friends to be honest and work hard to maintain cherry-picked friendships with a small number from around the country. Its hard though. Really hard. You arent alone.

Very few people have 'loads' of friends in adulthood. If they do, theyre typically hometown only types or super confident people with lots of superficial friendships.

Quality over quantity - ask your favourite mums group attendee out for a coffee, be bold, they might be in the same situation as you but people dont advertise it. The friendships i have now and have kept hold of are with people who, i found out later, were feeling the same as me. Like they needed a new friend. Good luck x

A few times and it’s just happened again when I moved in Jan. people sometimes make noises about keeping in touch but it never happens, their lives carry on without you. Even in these days of Facebook not one person has been in touch since I left despite me having to move due to circumstances beyond my control and having a terrible stressful time beforehand. It’s just the way things go, sadly.

Yep I've been there. Lucky I still have my best friend but I never speak to so many others that I enjoyed friendship with in my old area. Can't be bothered making new friends now, gets lonely sometimes but it's better than fair weather friends imo

So disappointing isn’t it! My very best friend lives on the other side of the world sadly - I miss her everyday but I have more contact with her than my mates an hour away (al from different walks of life)! Luckily I never regret moving here it was definitely the right decision and I guess I just have to pull up my big girl pants and make some new friends.