Not sure where to put this, but its about complications in the relationship with my mum so I'm hoping this is the right place.
My mum has always been difficult. She seems to have a terrible fear of missing out and has started to encroach on our lives.
I can't put my finger on it but something changed when her parents died. She had cared for them for a long time and they were both unwell. She spent 10 years driving 30miles each way every weekend to make sure she saw them. She spoke of her own mother guilting her when she didn't visit so felt she had to go.
Since her parents died, she and DF have moved to the same small town where her parents lived, 30 miles away. We told them we felt it a bad idea as they would miss out on a lot but they did it anyway. Things have got worse since they moved there.
I am the youngest of 4 and am 25 years old. I am the only one of us with a child. She seems to leave my siblings alone but to me she is always on my back. Every day of my maternity leave she was ringing me asking me to see her or what I was doing that day. This has continued now I'm back at work and every eve of my day off she rings to find out what I'm doing and every morning of my days off she rings and asks again. Then if I'm doing something that doesn't involve her, she says "well if you get bored/don't want to do that, I'm in your local area so come and see me". Sometimes, she is only in the local area at a supermarket but will ring and see if I want to meet her. If I'm not with her, I'm with Inlaws and their children who are the same age as mine and she will ring me saying "don't see them, see me". She will then ring me later in my day off asking how whatever I was doing was and react sarcasticly if I or DS have enjoyed it.
If I say I'm having a day at home, she will turn up at my house.
It's not like we don't see her, we seem them every other week at least, and often a lot more than that.
She used to care for DS one day a week which lasted around 8 weeks before she started to smack him to discipline him so we obviously put a stop to that as soon as possible. This was something I remember them doing to me as a child which I hated. It lead to self harm as I got older.
It's also transpired since I had DS and asked for a picture of me as a baby to compare, they didn't have any of me as they were "concentrating on the others at school". I've always felt I was dragged up rather than raised.
I just want to be able to live my life without my mum breathing down my neck. Her and DF also talk down to me in front of DS which I don't like.
I'm at a loss as to what to do. Every week I dread my day off because I have to have an excuse ready sometimes 3 days before hand.
What can I do apart from the her how I feel which will hurt her feelings and she will blow it out of all proportion then make me apologise (my Mother has never apologised for anything, even stepping on my toe... It would have been my toes fault!)
I don't even know if anyone can help me to be honest but I'm hoping someone will have some words of wisdom