Hello Everyone,
I need some help in understanding what the fek is going on!!
So I’ve been with bf for around 7 years and we have two DCs.
When we first got together he hadn’t been that long out of a long term relationship with the mother of his eldest child (around a year) so after a few months we split up after a few months cause his head was a mess over his ex and due to his depression (which he’d suffered with for years).
We got back together and he agreed to take antidepressants.
Things was fine, life got a bit mundane when I got pregnant with eldest (plus I got PND and piled loads of weight on so my anxiety was sky high and self esteem at an all time low). I lost the weight and as our DC1 got older we started to do more couple stuff.
Then we had DC2 and it all went tits up after that. Again I suffered with depression and anxiety, piled on weight, became a recluse, stopped making an effort within myself and within the relationship.
He told me at Xmas that he didn’t think he loved me anymore and hadn’t since after our youngest arrived. He said that our relationship was more like friends, he got to the point where he didn’t even miss me and thought “Is this how our life is going to be forever”
So he moved in with a friend. I was devastated!! I knew things had got shit but always thought they’d get better when youngest was older (she’s very demanding and a proper mummy’s girl). He obviously felt differently.
Since he’s been gone I’ve gotten on with my life, socialising more, doing exercise classes, started making an effort with myself etc.
He sees the DCs at his and also comes to mine to put youngest to bed so many times. We’ve also had family days out etc and we get on better now then we ever did.
He’s sent some confusing signals my way since last two months and he told me how much he misses me and that he’s worried that by time he sorts his head out (he’s not been on antidepressants for years) that by time he’s ready to come back that I won’t be here waiting for him.
So two weeks ago he told me how he wants to try and see what happens, take it slow etc and we went out, had a really nice day together etc but then when I’m not with him it’s just awkward as I don’t know whether to txt him or arrange another date etc
We also had really really poor communication and he’s said he really wants to try to open up with me but it’s like 4 steps forward 2 steps back.
He seems to think I should be the leader but I feel that he should as he’s the one who walked away, my feelings never changed!
One minute he talks bout the future and the next he backs off as though he’s feeling pressured.
At the minute we can go two days without txting etc so it’s not like I’m actually piling any pressure on ?
I just hate the uncertainty of it all!! When I’m with him we talk and I feel great then not so when we aren’t together. I did briefly broach the subject in passing and he said he just doesn’t want us to get carried away ?!