Broken friendship and moving on. Can anyone relate?

[Beatboboogie85]

Falling out with my best friend has been harder than any relationship breakup. It happened at a time when I thought we’d have the most in common. She has two children and I gave birth to my daughter early last year.

We’ve both had a hand in this downfall no doubt. But the amount of judgement on my actions has been unreal. Actions that had everything to do with coping and nothing to do with a perceived ‘meanness’. Visits, invites, even mocking me breastfeeding. Taking it all as a personal offence rather than giving even a shred of understanding to a new mother.

The majority of this happened in the first six months of our daughters life, when everything was scary and new. We all know it can take a new mum about a year to recover physically and emotionally from having a baby, even without dealing with a traumatic birth.

I want to be the kind of person that gives time and support, mums supporting mums and people supporting people and all that. But everyone’s going through something and if that’s not possible a little understanding can go a long way. There was worse than a lack of understanding, there was judgement and anger. In the first six months of having my first child at an already isolating time in my life with additional family heartbreak.

Thank the baby gods for purchasing friends via NCT. A more supportive lot you will not meet.

I wrote an explanation for her (longer than this waffle) in January. I can’t bring myself to send it. I can no longer have my actions taken so personally, so negatively and misconstrued in every way even when I try to fix things. I do not believe I can make it right. Time to focus solely on the most important things. My family, being the mother I need to be and being the person I want to be.

I can delete a phone number but I can’t delete more than a decades worth of memories. I can’t fix mutual friends being pulled in both directions and the subsequent guilt. I can’t delete her from bridesmaid photos at our wedding. I hope I can look back on photos and memories with a fondness some day. For now.. deep breath.. time to move on.

Yes let it go for now OP and dont burn bridges by sending the letter. Least said soonest mended is my motto - the friendship might recover - it might not - but heating things up by fanning the flames at the moment will only make things worse.

Disputes often flare up in long term relationships - people get jealous, angry, hurt, whatever and you just can't find a way to get things back on track..
It's painful but i've learnt that friendships ebb and flow - I've fallen out with close friends in the past and as long as the door is left open and neither of us have said anything too awful once some time passes they can recover.
Also try avoid discussing with mutual friends - what you say can easily be taken out of context and fed back to her.
(Sorry for all the metaphors!)

I fell out with a close friend a few months after my mum died. We didn't speak for 18 months - I really missed her! She ended up contacting me to congratulate me on the birth of my baby and we've been back to normal ever since.

Don't make things worse, just take a step back. I hope it all works out.

Honestly, it all sounds extremely over dramatic. Take a deep breath and calm down. Just stay quiet. Wait until your kid is at school and life has returned to normal, you might feel differently. These first years are crazy. Don’t burn any bridges

Don’t send the explanation unless you really do want to totally cut ties as that is what could happen if you do. Maybe you just need a few months apart.....

I think you need to maybe just take a step back and focus on you and your baby girl for a while. Don't send the letter.

Nurture your new friendships from the NCT and focus on your little family. Things will either recover, or they won't.

I'm holding my 'best' friend at arms length at the moment, when I told her last October I was feeling lonely, she completely brushed me aside and then in December I put a post out publically asking for help to combat the loneliness I was feeling and she innuendated me with messages about why hadn't I told her, making me feel worse. I should have told her then that I tried, but I didn't.
I have recently discovered that within our friendship group, I'm being excluded from a lot (birthday meals and group gift buying) and she is the one organising it... So arms length she's gone. I should challenge her, but you know what, I finish maternity leave soon, and go back to work, I haven't got the headspace to deal with her turning it on me. Because she will, she's got a brilliant nak for making you feel like you're in the wrong.