Will I regret leaving my boyfriend?

[keetee3]

I’m really stuck on wether to stay with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for a year and half and we’re each overs firsts for everything (were only 18).
I’ve had some amazing memories with him been on holidays a couple of times and I really do enjoy spending time with him. He’s caring and supportive, he can be fun , we get along so well , he makes me happy , we enjoy the same music , we like the same films , we do fun things together eg long dog walks and baking , he gets along with my family so well and I do his. I feel as though he is my best-friend . However he has a very short temper and punches walls ect which is he is slowly working on as I’ve told him I cannot stay with him if he carries on the way he does .He’s quite lazy with with uni work or when it’s his day off he will just spend it in bed playing on the Xbox ( but I’m the complete opposite I can never imagine spending a day in I love going out as much as I can ) . I also feel like i have to force him to be fun sometimes eg going to festivals (he’s not admitted he doesn’t really like ) , going bowling with our friends , going on speed boats , going ice skating and afterwards he does say he enjoys the activities however I have to spend a long time persuading him to come so I feel bad for forcing him to do these things. I also feel like I’ve become too comfortable around him and I don’t know if this is a good/bad thing but I never make an effort to dress up (but I do when I go out with my friends ) , I can’t flirt with him no more ( which he hates )and I feel like I sometimes forget he’s my boyfriend and more like he’s my bestfriend (I just generally don’t feel that much of a spark anymore). However he’s the opposite as he dresses to what he thinks I will like and he always spoils me ( I think it’s because he always saying he’s punching looks wise so feels he has to make extra effort ) .

However I’m so scared I’m going to regret breaking up with him as I have never been in a relationship before so I have no idea what genuine love feels like. If it’s what I imagine it’s like then I’m certain I do love him and I can never imagine getting along with anyone / being better suited more to anyone than him especially because I’m extremely shy and reserved so find it difficult to be myself around anyone but he’s one of the few people I can. But I just don’t want to waste my teenage years spent with someone I’m not going to be with forever as I could be spending more time with my friends and family by going on holiday , going for meals and staying in with them (who are going to be in my life forever.)

Please if you’ve ever been in the same situation or have any advice lmk!!!
Thanks for any replies

You won't regret breaking up with him when he stops punching walls and starts on you.

End it. It shouldn't be this much work at 18. I have been with my OH since I was 17 (now 32) and it gets worse. Not in regards to punching walls etc in my case but the not wanting to do anything, playing computer games all day. You will end up being resentful and even if he stops punching walls which is unlikely.. he will always be an angry person and it's difficult to live with someone like that never knowing what might set them off. You'll spend your life living under an atmosphere and ultimately, you deserve a million times better than someone who has to be persuaded to have fun with you.

You are 18. You've had a great first relationship but it's time to move on with your life.

It's quite unusual for your first relationship to be the forever one. It sounds like you're very different people and growing apart rather than together. Don't be afraid to break out on your own.

The wall punching is an issue in itself.

But mostly, it just sounds like you're growing up and moving on. He's a good guy (minus the wall punching) but what you want to do with your days and your lives are different. You sound like you're active and energised and self motivated, and he's not. That's fine. But you are only 18 and why should you stick around just because he's the first boy you've loved.

if you break up, you will be sad for a while. But you will also find you are free to do other things and try other things and you will find at some point in the not too distant future that you are happy. And then you'll meet someone else. And possibly that relationship will also end after a while. And that might happen a few times until eventually you'll find someone who you realise you can be with for the rest of your life.

Good luck.

You definitely won't regret moving on from him. Him punching walls is a massive red flag and it will get worse in my own personal experience. You're young and you've so much fun to be had, lot's of dates and holidays with friends.

Don't do what I did. Finish with him and go and have fun, while you're young. You'll meet someone in your future who will want to do all the things you love and want to do them with you.

Punching walls (without anything else) you won’t regret ending it.

If we just look at the rest, you are quite incompatible. You don’t share the same interests.

Sometimes you have to think with you head not your heart. Your heart might be saying ‘oh I love him’ but your head is saying ‘he is lazy, has no drive, won’t socialise and this is who he IS. It won’t change when I need help with the baby, or we are struggling financially or my mother is ill and I need to help her’.

Head needs to win here.

But the punching walls thing wins over everything.

Actually. I think you will more likely regret NOT leaving him.

@BlingLoving , your post really resonated with me. I'm not even entirely sure why! but I think younger me would've really benefited from listening to such a calm, straightforward, drama-free approach to dating and relationships.

OP, while everyone is different, and while therapy, mindfulness, etc, can work wonders, in my experience with exes with anger issues and violent tendencies, it's only ever gotten worse, never better.

aside from that (significant) issue, you do sound fundamentally incompatible in terms of your respective approaches to life and energy levels. while that might not sound like a deal-breaker, life shouldn't be an ongoing battle to persuade someone to have fun with you, especially at your age.

you seem very mature and measured in your thinking. i'd pay close attention to your own concerns and reservations.

lots of luck with whatever you choose :)

Will I regret leaving my boyfriend?

Not for long. Violent is never good.

However he has a very short temper and punches walls

he is showing you what and who he is. tell this to your parents or anyone who gives a shit about this and they will tell you to cut and run.

Bring the relationship to a close, tell him anything boring and dull as a reason, like I'm not ready for a full on adult relationship, I feel too stuck in a rut etc etc and that you want to be on your own for a bit, and do it.

You will become a statistic if you stay with him, either on a police report or on a coroners report. This angry and violent this young... very scary.

Get out now.

Once you have ended it, you will feel relief. in days.

make sure you tell others what is going on, make sure that others know you are ending it and make sure you have back up.

If you have even the slightest inkling that he's going to cause trouble, call the police. don't even blink, just do it.

This relationship has run its course.

It's quite unusual for your first relationship to be the forever one. It sounds like you're very different people and growing apart rather than together. Don't be afraid to break out on your own.

This.