I just cant help it but feel different. (lgBt)

[Hellabove5]

Probably posted in the wrong section but anyway.
for the past few years, I've always felt I was different to others, in that I feel attracted to the same sex. I'm female.
I've had male relationships in the past which has been great and long term (ish). I love Men but cant help but feel also attracted to females. I've never thought of the idea I could be Bisexual but now I am. Considering I have never acted on my fantasies...
Anyway..
I have this ' Crush ' who I am absolutely besotted with. I think about her most days and nights. I sometimes get the feeling she feels the same when we interact or when I catch a glimpse of her looking at me.
We see each other often due to attending a similar place of interest.
I always try to dress up a bit of put abit of lippy on, when I'm around her. Sounds so silly but I do.

I have never acted upon my feelings due to the fear of rejection and being outed. Nobody knows how I feel and although I'd be supported whole heartedly, the unknown just kills me.

Not sure why I'm posting but has anyone ever had this? I mean being straight ever since you can remember but then suddenly become attracted to the opposite sex?!

It may just be a phase..I dont know! HELP!

Can you ask her for a coffee, just casual like?

Well, is she bi or gay?
If not, you probably need to wait for another attraction as strong as this AND with a gay/bi woman, to come out, otherwise you just won't be sure about yourself.

Hi @Hellabove5 thanks for your post. I'm bi myself.

^ I mean being straight ever since you can remember but then suddenly become attracted to the opposite sex*

@Hellabove5 You describe at the start of your post that you've always been attracted to women, so it's not just a phase, it's just that now you have a particular object of your affections.

I think you need to get to know her better- have you done a bit of peeking online? Maybe you'd be able to discover that way whether she's lesbian, or bi? If not you'll just have to make friends with her and find out more.

If it turns out she's straight, it might be time to start looking in to going along to some LGBT meetup.com or other events. You don't have to announce to any loved ones that you're doing this if you don't want to. Get out and about and eventually you'll meet someone you click with.

Best wishes xxxxx

Yes me and it's not uncommon.
Like you I had only ever had relationships with men. They'd all been great and three were long term. I was 42 with two children when I met, became besotted by and ultimately fell in love with a woman.

She totally blew me away, rocked my world - didn't know what was happening to me. I fell hard and felt differently to how I'd ever felt before. It was amazing and terrifying.

Fast forward to now and we've been together 13 years - married for four. She's lying in bed next to me and I adore her. It was maybe easier for me in some ways because she fell for me and made it clear how she felt so I didn't have to do 'the running' but I just wanted to let you know it happens. And I know others it's happened to as well. As I say, it's not uncommon.

@onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad 🥰 what a lovely story!

It's a tough one OP. Nothing else to add. Try it. What's to lose? Apart from the fantasy.

I've known a few women who got bi curious in their 40's. They eventually scratched the itch and went from bi curious to bi sexual.
The bi aspect was proportionate. I.e. 80/20 in one case.
I believe you'll only know for sure when you've been to bed with her.

Thanks all for your kind words and advice.

It's a hard one as I guess as I'm unsure of her sexuality and I definitely haven't got the gaydar sussed out lol.

Asking her out for a coffee is an idea, we do get on really well, maybe she is wanting me to iniatiate something first? Who knows.

I think in the meantime I will join some LBT groups and see where I go with that.
I've been single for about a year and I'm quite enjoying single life so maybe this could be the time to explore my sexuality...

I'm the same.
I am absolutely crazy about her. She is a teacher in my DC school and so I can't really interact with her outside the school. She has no social media.
I try to wean myself off her but every time I see her - I fall for her again.
Help.

Just ask her for a coffee. Either it leads to something or you’ve got a fab new friend. Win-win.

Tbh lots of women are in your boat so don’t write it off!

Sometimes l think as you get older you can be lead to a discovery by someone else.

I thought l was hetrosexual until l was beautifully and deliciously seduced when in my 30s (40s now) when travelling with work.

If l have to give myself a label, l suppose it has to be bi, but l prefer to just consider myself as “sexual” and forget the prefix.

I think it would be nice to go for a coffee or a glass of wine and see what happens. Looking beyond this, if you live somewhere or have access to somewhere quite large, Google venues where you might meet others in the same lifestyle.

Good luck x

As a teen I knew I liked women. I also had crushes on men. I had 2 relationships with men, 1 for almost four years and I geniunely loved him. I put my teenage feelings down to hormones. I didn’t particularly enjoy sex but I thought I just had a low drive.

After the ltr ended I was single for a while then started online dating. After about a year and lots of dates, I realised the only person I’d been attracted to in that year was my female gym class instructor. I started dating women, quickly ended up in a long term relationship. That ended and forward on 6 years from my first date with a woman i’m now in my second lesbian relationship.

I don’t think I would ever date men again. I think I am gay but suppressed it due to social norms. I did love my ex Male partner but there was definitely always something missing. And now I enjoy sex very much and would have it everyday if I could.

I'm bisexual. Mine didn't really come out of the blue but it wasn't until my mid twenties that the penny dropped.

With me, my attraction doesn't really feel any different with men or women. All attraction is different anyway as the person and the dynamic will be different in every case.

Good luck!

Me too. Fell madly in love with the teacher I work with and once she was single (she's gay btw and I knew this from the start) she started reciprocating my feelings - think she did before, actually. Now we are a couple and I love her even more. Never felt like this before in fact. I think a lot of us fall in love with people, regardless of gender - but now, having experienced sex and a relationship with a woman, would never go back. I am also in my 40s

KirstyHasLeft I feel your pain...unless, of course, your teacher is MY teacher!!!

Kirsty I think I remember did you post about this a while ago?

Yes, yes- it is still me and still crazy about her :)

@CatpissEverdine - mine is straight :( as far as I know. What is it with teachers being so amazing?!

What happened to me because of this crush is - I came out to my husband (and slowly to my friends) and now we are separated and going through divorce.

So, whilst I wish I never met her and never had to go through this hell, I am also very grateful that she has opened my eyes to what I am. Without knowing it - she is one of the most important people in my life.

That's amazing that she has had such a profound effect on your life. She may not be totally straight - just waiting to find the right person. With mine, I was going through a split and she helped me by listening and being kind. I confessed early on how I felt and I knew she was not available to me...which was torture so I really understand what you are going through. My patience is paying off now though. My kids are slowly adjusting - that's the very difficult part. I am trying to slowly introduce her and the idea that I am in a same sex relationship

@Foreverlexicon your post really resonated with me. Especially about previously thinging you had a low sex drive.