Dating separated guy who was cheated on

[Purpleunicorn35]

Hi.
I'm a single working mum. I've been on my own 18 months now and was pretty happy.
Met a guy online who I alreay recognised from our area. Always fancied him. He started chatting to me early Jan. He's single dad and been separated 5 months (wife cheated). Has kids 50%. We have so much in common. Literally my perfect man. He wooed me a lot but as we got close he has pushed me away and become very flaky. I said to him let's just finish things and he said he didn't want to and he just wants to take things slowly (which I had said to him before this myself!)

Am I wasting my time? I don't think he is a player. I know enough of his circles to know he is not a bad one. Should I tell him to sort himself out and then get in touch? I feel heartbroken

Thanks for reading this far x

Don’t feel stupid, you were vulnerable for this type of relationship as you were still finding your feet after your last relationship. He is probably a good guy but is no way ready to be near a relationship right now. He love bombed because it felt good to his ego. You got close, he bolted. It’s an old story. You have recognised it now and protecting yourself. That needs congratulations not shame.

Stay away from separated men. They will blow hot and cold constantly because they are not ready for a relationship. This will not get better.

I agree with this. Unfortunately. My ex is very charming and lovely on the outside. However I know the next women he will be with he will not be serious about. One of the main reasons he left, although he’d never admit it, is to be his own man and do what he wants. As soon as a woman expects too much, the boundaries, he will just find someone else.

How he treats you is much more important than how much you like him. A quote to live by.
Glad you have realised what he’s really like.

When you say flaky, what sort of thing? Letting you down last minute and so on? I would see that differently to being hot and cold about feelings.

Accept decent offers, pleasantly decline crappy ones. Do that and it will naturally set boundaries. Step back from contacting him and take the time to do your own thing.

Lovebombers are fake, everything they do is just to con you. Dont feel bad, you were vulnerable. But know that you arent actually smitten, you just got swept away up in the con. The fake person he pretended to be, the lie he tried to sell you.

Seen as these sorts seem to find you, might be wise to read up on narcissists and how to spot them. Sometimes we miss the signs.

I guess its lucky you can see his true face showing through now rather than a year down the line :)