No one wants me

[Newsorrynewagain]

So after separating from my husband after living a sexless / no affection for the last 5/6 years. I got talking to an old school friend online, seemed to be getting on well.

He was messaging me everyday seemed really keen. Arranged to meet no show. He’s been offline for the last 10 days and I haven’t heard a peep.

Why does no one want me. I honestly don’t see the point in going on anymore

I’m sorry you’re feeling low but your self worth shouldn’t be tied up in a man. Your life without a bloke in it should be worthwhile, rich, full, fun regardless. Your putting too much pressure and desperation into this. I’d suggest you stop trying to date. Find a weekly therapist for self esteem and a life coach and have a life over haul. What hobbies do you have? What job? Have you been to college? Have you travelled to your most favourite destination? There is a big wide world out there! You’re not married so see that as a positive. You can go anywhere you want! If it was me I’d be at the gym/dancing classes 5 out of 7 nights per week. You have to be personally happy and fulfilled first.

Please speak to the samaritans if you're feeling so low, and get yourself an appointment with your GP tomorrow.

It sounds like you need to spend time to re-build your life and happiness. To invest in what makes you happy without needing a man. To go into a relationship now would potentially make you extremely vulnerable - what if it didn't work out, you would be in an even worse situation. Believe me its possible to be happy keeping yourself busy, investing in friends, putting look forward to events in your diary, going away for a weekend, meeting up with friends, new activities. Simple small pleasures. Men dont make you happy and relationships only do if you are in a healthy, strong and positive frame of mind to start with. Your reaction to this shows you are too fragile right now for a romance.

I've been divorced for 12 years and had a couple of relationships in that time. I've now not bothered for 4 years and I'm very happy. Love comes in all sorts of forms. but the solution to one shitty ended relationship is not another one. Give it time.

Forget him, it’s his loss not yours.

That's only two people. There's millions more

Anyhow you should take some time for yourself, forget about these men.

It’s all well and good saying get about and build a full life of exciting things- but what if you don’t have the money? What if your friends are so tied up in their own lives that they don’t even remember to invite you to stuff with their other married friends?

I feel you OP and it sucks.

You don’t need money. Seaside walks. Meet up groups online. Outdoor/wild swimming. Look at the website called meet-up. Join a book group. Stitch and bitch. Low cost courses at the local college. There’s hundreds of groups on meet-up. My friend met her fella by joining a walking group. That cost nowt.

and if your friends are tied up then you get online and join groups/events and meet new friends. The people who are out at these activities aren’t tied up in other friends. You shouldn’t be reliant on one group of friends for your entire life anyway. You should always be expanding and making new ones. Keep your circle wide and fluid

If he's been offline then it's possible somethings happened or there's an explanation.
But if he is ghosting you, just because one man doesn't want you doesn't mean no one does/will.
I agree with the previous posters, work on yourself and being happy first.

100% behind your comment &OhMyDarling.

And it's not just about funds, but personal circumstances too.

All my friends are engaged, married or coupled up. And I'm a single parent to boot... woohoo!

Don't get invited to much... apart from the occasions where it seems I contribute a monetary gift 🤷🏼‍♀️

And as for men... well I've had enough of the dating shit to last me a lifetime!

How long have you been separated for OP? And how long between chatting again with this old friend and arranging to meet up?

This is just one man Op, don't let it define you. I really think you have to force yourself to be happy in yourself rather than focus on meeting someone. There are plenty of great men out there too. I have been single for 2 years but I think I needed that time to appreciate myself and realise what a decent catch I was.

I’m a single parent too @ChangeOfName2020.

I can’t swim, so wild swimming would be taking my life in my hands, I can’t get out in the evenings due to kids and work, plus I work all day mon-sat. Permanently exhausted and behind with all the housework (stuff that can’t left- laundry, food shopping etc)... this is my Sunday.

Low cost college courses? I’ve seen nothing that appeals under £100 and that’s WAY over my budget.

Online people are fine online but usually weird offline and online dating is the worse kind of soul destruction you can enter into. I have a restraining order out against one person I met through one of those sites!!

I felt like you op especially after I got stood up by someone I had met online. It hurt more than I thought it would. I felt like my husband didn't want me, x didn't want me, no man wants me. Be kind to yourself it is not you that is the issue it is them.

You need to work on making yourself happy first. I was told I couldn't give someone the best me if I don't like myself first. Find something you enjoy doing, I joined the gym as a friend told me it would be good for working on me. I did that in December, joined some classes in January and have made some new friends along the way. My confidence has improved so much.

I have found someone at the gym I really like too, it's fun to have a flirt with him and I haven't stopped grinning like a silly teenager in weeks. In fact he grinned at me yesterday and put me right off my routine (probably why he was grinning at me).

The difference between him and the guy I met online, he is actually there in front of me, I know he is real (and single) and I can see his reactions and actions. It makes it easier to see if there is anything likely to happen and he is less likely to stand me up, if I ever pluck up the courage to ask him out, as he will have to see me if he does.

Hope you're feeling brighter @Newsorrynewagain ?

Try and remember you never know what's going on in peoples lives...try not to take it too personally.... theres so many lovely men out there, dont give up xxxx