I called him somebody else

[NameCalling]

I've been seeing this guy a while. Let's call him A. I like him. He's never pressured me into sex and is perhaps a bit of an introvert. That's fine by me. Up until this point, we'd kissed and stuff but not had sex. I went over to his house at the weekend and we both wanted to have sex. Anyway, we were having fun and I called him by exes name! He asked who this particular person was and I lied and said I didn't know (not great, I know).

My ex was an abusive bastard. Let's call him B. My child is the result of him raping me (he spiked me one night and I passed out). He did so many unspeakable things. We haven't been together for years, so I'm unsure why he even popped in my head. It has taken me years to get over it all, but rest assure, I have always had unconditional love for my child. I still believe that he was so desperate to have a child that that is the reason he raped me. Anyway, Ex sees his child fairly regularly.

Anyway later on, A and I were just talking about previous relationships and I mentioned Bs name. With that, he looked at me like , I thought you didn't know anyone with that name?

To cut a long story short, things were a little awkward after and, although A has been in touch, I sense that he either thinks I'm game playing, or don't give a fuck..neither of which is true.

I just feel quite sad about it all really.

Sorry, I realise this may be triggering so will as Mumsnet to put warning on

Honest conversation needed with A if you want to salvage this.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow do you mean tell A everything?

I think you need to explain. If you do like him, he needs to understand that you are neither game playing, nor do you not give a damn. How much you tell him is up to you but if he as honest as I could be.

I think if you like him and trust him enough to want to salvage it that the truth is the way to go.

Have you been intimate with anyone else since then?
Are their names similar?

SamSeabornforPresident, thank you for advice. I was unsure whether to just leave it but maybe better to say something.

I feel mortified. I cannot stand my ex so goodness knows why his name came out. I will invite A over to try & explain.

I don't think you have to tell him everything. Can't you say he's an ex who treated you badly and you don't like to think about him and you've no idea why you suddenly said his name?

GiveHerHellFromUs, no there names are not similar. And yes, I've had one other relationship in-between and this never happened.

HollowTalk, I wish I had said that from the start. I lied because it seemed easier. When he realised that it was B I was on about, I did say I'm unsure why he popped in my head. But then he asked why I hadn't just said it was him in the first place, instead of lying.

I wouldn't explain too much (and certainly not about the abuse at this stage - you don't know him well enough to give him that sort of potential crowbar into your vulnerabilities). I'd be inclined to let it lie, tbh.

It’s a slip of the tongue. You do need to be honest with him about your ex as it does look like you may have been thinking about ex from an outsiders POV who has no knowledge of the above post.

I’ve gone to call bfs by ex names loads of times and I probably have done and not realised it, it’s one of those things and if he’s the first relationship you’ve had since ex then it’s bound to happen