Domestic abuse victim; outcome at court?

[anlon17]

Question for victims of domestic abuse who had kids with their abuser - how did you prove your side of the story at the court, to the social service, to the school? At the moment, I feel except my solicitor and one judge (there has been 1 hearing) no one really is believing me.

My ex has claimed that I am the one who was abusing. Basically everything that he did, he has said that I have done! The SS have come around (I think). But the school have given him a glowing review.

I feel I am coming across as the weepy and the spent woman who doesn't know anything, whereas he can be very charming and well spoken.

How does one prove emotional and verbal abuse? Did anyone ever believe you? What was the outcome? I worry he has a volatile temper and he can do anything. What if they give him overnight contact with my DC who is one 3.

You poor love. I was in your boat about a year ago, he'd even made videos of me "losing it" at him after hours and hours of verbals, then said oh look how aggressive and violent you are. You begin to doubt yourself. The best advice I can give you is to try to write everything down, in chronological order if you can. If nothing else it helps your mind feel more ordered and helps keep you calm and feel more in control, especially when you worry nobody will believe you. Usually in life, the truth comes to the surface, as people who tell lies eventually tie themselves in knots. These people also tend to not change so the behaviour will continue and somehow people will realise what the truth is.
Stay strong, try to stay calm despite the feelings of injustice and fear. Keep believing that people will see the truth. Focus on doing your best for your kids, be there for them as I'm sure you always are and the people that matter will see this.
Take care of yourself and I hope all goes well for you.

This sounds similar to the situation of a close friend.

Don't make the mistake of thinking everyone will see him through your eyes.

People around you will see him for what he is.

I wonder if they would see him for what he really is. He can come across as very well spoken and sensible. No one would ever think he cusses all the time and punches me in the back when I am not looking.

Suffering his abuse was one thing, now getting judged by every other stranger involved in the case is another. I am so ready for the end already.

Have you prepared a witness statement setting out details of how he has harmed you? You don’t have to record every last incident, but you should describe lots of examples of the ways in which he abused you and roughly when. Be as concrete and detailed as possible so that those reading your statement, have a real sense of what has gone on. If you have kept copies of abusive messages and/or photos of injuries, you can append those to your statement but it’s not vital.

Unfortunately, abusers can present a very charming and convincing face to the outside world: it is a shame this is not better understood. It is part of their MO and helps them get away with their abusiveness.

Good luck.

It’s a crap shoot. I’m not going to sugar coat it.

Best advice I can give is this: focus on your children, let his lies and game playing wash over you, do not react, do not depend on him for anything, do not expect any fairness or decency, expect many lies, expect professionals to not even know the basics of domestic violence, do not be afraid to lose again and again and again his abusive behaviour, do not be afraid to ask for help and support. Prepare yourself for an unjust result.

And no, I wasn’t believed and the social services horribly failed myself and my children. I now have a stage 3 complaints panel report to prove it. Too late. But there you go.

Stand your ground - it’s not over until you give up.