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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trying to move on...

1 reply

Lol246 · 25/02/2020 11:58

I have recently come out of a very toxic relationship, he was my first love and we were together for a very long time a d have a little girl who is now two.
I decided that enough was enough he was drinking around our daughter most nights and controlled all money and put me down about being at home looking after our daughter although he didnt want me to work. He then wanted us too move away from my family my support network because he didnt like my family, which is a massive massive thing for me as I am so close to my mum and dad especially and they help me out so much so I knew we were over. Since weve broke up hes been absolutely vile towards me calls me names when hes drunk, he doesnt help with childcare and I just genuinely feel like hes going to ruin my life. I know that sounds dramatic but everything is so difficult with him , he hates me because we will be splitting the equity in the house and says I've broken his heart and I'm taking his daughter away from him which I would never ever do, but yet hes bought a house over an hour away from his daughter. I just want everything to be civil and most importantly want a happy life for my little girl. I know I've done the right thing for my little girl because I dont want her to be around the drinking and the disgusting way he speaks to me but I also worry about how difficult hes going to make my life.

Sorry I know it's a long winded post but just keep a bit off advice. I just want to be happy again and want my daughter to have a happy home life.

OP posts:
anotherdisaster · 25/02/2020 13:33

Sadly men like this will never change. Its all about him and how dare you end things. He will pretend he cares about his daughter but his actions will say otherwise. I'd love to tell you that it will get better (and it may improve eventually) but after nearly 3 years my ex can still be a complete arse.
I think you learn to cope better with it though over time. You will learn tips on how to deal with him. Here is one of the tips l found most useful:
Don't engage with him in any way unless its specifically about childcare arrangements.
If he rings shouting abuse - hang up. If he texts anything abusive - don't reply. Never get drawn into arguments with him even if you feel you have to defend yourself. You never have to justify yourself to him.
You will be happy again because you will no longer be in a relationship with him. Whether you choose to continue to let him control you is completely up to you.

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