How to deal with my partners mood

[daisyjoy990]

I have been with my Partner for 5 years, have certainly had our ups and downs but have got through it.
For the past 6 months he's changed, he's moody, quiet, causing issues/ arguments for no reason, saying things like he doesn't want to be here anymore and he hates himself, got no future ahead of him etc and plenty of other things. I am no medically trained person but I work in a GP surgery so see the signs daily of depression and he also has signs.

I have tried my hardest to be there for him, I've told him I'd go to a dr with him to get some advice, I've told him to talk to me when he's feeling down, I've contacted his family who couldn't of cared less, and I don't know how much longer I can take it.

He doesn't accept any help whatsoever and not only is it affecting our relationship but it's affecting me personally.

It's been going on for a long time now and I don't know how much longer I can carry on like it. Just the thought of leaving him when he's like this makes me feel like the worst person in world and I don't want us to split up but I don't know what else to do.

Has anyone else experienced this and have any advice on what to do next? Thank you

What about your needs? Why are his more important?
You are not his therapist and its not your responsibility to fix him.
I would end this and focus on what makes you happy.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Are you codependent in relationships?. It seems so, you are putting his supposed needs and wants well ahead of yours.

Are you a rescuer and or saviour when it comes to relationships?. Clearly you have never learnt that you can never be either in a relationship because it does not work. What you have tried to date has not worked and will continue to not work.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.
Was your mother treated like you are now by your dad?.

Please do not waste any more time on this man, he does not want your supposed help and support and he is showing you that time and time again. He is abusive and many such men do use and cite depression as an excuse to further abuse their chosen target, in this case you. His family do not want anything to do with him either and that says volumes about him as well. He is dragging you down with him into his pit.

I would also suggest you read "Women who love too much" by Dr Robin Norwood. Your own recovery from his abuses of you has not begun yet and it could take you some considerable time now, years even, to recover from him.

You can't help someone who won't help himself. I wouldn't waste my time on someone who's adamant on remaining problematic and miserable. Life is too short for that. I would give him an ultimatum in your shoes: Either he gets help or I'll leave.

I wouldn't do myself the disservice of trying to find ways to endure someone elses difficult behaviour. You need to prioritise yourself OP, he is not your dependent and it is for him to seek out help for his mental health problems and it is for him to work hard to make it so that you get a break and are not the one he is taking it out on. He doesn't want to, or is not able to do that so this won't change.

It doesn't make you a more loving or better partner to put him above yourself, you have no need to feel guilty for leaving an untenable situation. Staying won't change it OP. Having a partner with depression can be awful and he won't change 'for you' or because you are supposed to love each other, he just won't. It is no excuse to be abusive and if he won't even see a GP you need to consider what your life will look like. Oftentimes by staying you are enabling and instances of partners of depressed patients becoming depressed themselves is pretty high.

Don't forget yourself. Go to your GP and discuss this.

Dating lesson number 1: immediately bin any man who is moody and refuses to help himself.

Seriously, you'll save yourself so much anxiety and anguish.

Secondly, I second @AttilaTheMeerkat's suggestion that you read "Women who love too much" by Dr Robin Norwood. An excellent book for any woman - not just those who love too much...