Confused n sad

[Shelly7940]

Hi everyone a few days ago my ex broke up with me and although I'm accepting it i feel like i was used and treated awfully in the short relationship he had told me I was too loud talked too much was needy and overthinking all the time he told me to fuck off one night for a comment I made in a joke way.....his moods every day were up and down when chatting he go from fine to plain rude and reply telling me I was texting too much and he didnt have time to be replying when I wanted when only comment I made was his texting was getting less n less and it was everytime I asked why he was backing off lately he would tell me I'm crazy and overthinking he has let me down on a few occasions for nights away after me losing a deposit on one hotel because he decided the morning to go he wasnt in mood.....a few other instances too I got drunk and made a fool of myself 2 times noting bad just telling him he made no effort with me and another where I left him at a table in a pub and was chatting to women at another table he went mad said tat was an awful thing to do just leave him there alone for 40 minutes even though he knew where I was he then said it would take alot to forgive me and told me if I wasnt good by april our plans to visit his country were off anyway other night I told him again I was sick been treated so bad so he said ok go find another man to make me happy and said he was sick of the arguments even though was his moods causing them so he blocked me and haven't heard from him since I'm left feeling completely confused I genuinely feel I was a great girlfriend to the man

Read your post again. Try and imagine this were someone else writing. What would you think?

How old are you? You sound rather immature if I may say so.

You need to do 2 things:

1. Bin him. He is not worth all your pretzeling and all the heartache.

1. Work on yourself. Self-esteem. Boundaries. Sorting out what you want out of this, your only one and precious life. So you don't waste more time on loosers and people who don't value you.

Reading Women Who Love Too Much would be a good start.

It's not really about him. He could be any abusive asshole. Why did you stay and accept this abuse for so long? That is what you need to look at and work on.

I'm 40 I suppose I do have extremely low self esteem I felt well because I am overweight and half lost my eye and wear a patch that he is all I will get and I should be grateful it sound so sad when I see it wrote down how I feel

You are setting the bar so low sweetheart. Stop letting your looks determine your self worth. I would recommend counselling so you don't ever accept such shit again. A crap relationship will kill any self esteem you do have. You need to build yourself up again before you even contemplate dating x

I understand that you feel sad, but relying on others to make you feel good is self-destructive and ultimately leads to being controlled. People like your boyfriend can spot vulnerable women like you and target them deliberately.

You don't want to be a victim! If you cannot be happy on your own, you are unlikely to find yourself in a happy relationship. Can you read books and watch some YouTube videos on self-esteem and boundaries? Including WWLTM, which I cannot recommend too highly.

And take steps to enhance your life and be fulfilled on your own. Book club, exercise classes, Italian lessons, knitting circle... - whatever floats your boat

Thank you all yea I watch lots of self help videos I know I deserve better I do have borderline personality disorder too so that doesnt help when dealing with break ups but I got separated from a marriage only a year ago from a partner who used me too for 6 years so I've a history of mentally abusive relationships I just wish I could find peace in my soul and build my confidence