How many chances do you give him before ending it?

[Howmanychances]

No abuse or cheating, just not making an effort. Every time we speak or meet up is because of me. I've spoken to him about this several times, and he says things, things are good for a week or two. Then slowly going back to his old ways. I'm exhausted, I think if he really loved me he would put in the effort, especially when I've spoken to him about it so many times. But for some reason I can't just let go. I feel guilty and think, just give him another chance.. and another.

I wish I could just realise he'll never change, and just end it.

No partner is worth feeling exhausted for... at least not in the circumstances you describe.

How long were you together for?

If something stops fun, and brings you more unhappiness than happiness you know it's time to call it a day.

I myself have recently blocked, deleted and removed all traces of a guy who clearly didn't think the same about me as I did him. Sounds very similar to your chap.

The more chances you give, the more these guys will take as they know they can just keep doing it again and again as you'll take it.

It's going to be hard, no question about it but you need to be strong and put yourself first.

What is so good about him that makes you unable to end it?

It sounds like you are dating? If so do it now it won’t get any better. Or just accept it’s the way he is.

I say this as someone many years married who is sick of putting up with this shit but with children it’s harder to walk away.

Im going through something similar, in fact i posted on here recently about it.

I think im further down the line though, as the pedestal i put him on shattered on Friday and i snapped after the resentment built up. Funnily enough, havent heard from him since. We've been together 18 months.

MNers helped me realise i was worth more. The only reason youre staying is low self esteem - you dont think you deserve better for some reason. But, you do. This man will drag you down forever if you let him.

One.

Seriously.

Life is way too short to be chasing after a man in any capacity. He's your priority, and you're an option. That's too imbalanced.

No no no - just NO !!

You are worth more than this.

Read Women Who Love Too Much.

It'll be a revelation. And if you still feel too weak to stop pursuing him, get counselling.

You will feel soooo much better with this tosser out of your life.

I'm a three asks before action person when it comes to my children at least. Would be tempted to take the same stance with a partner. If you can't genuinely accept the way he is, and he's not interested in changing when you speak to him about it (and you've done this three times!), then you need to let him go as it'll make both of you unhappy to carry on in this way.

Hard to tell from your OP if you've been together a few months or a few years?? If it's longer than 12 months and you are still casual dating and it's one sided then it sounds like he's not that into you, sorry.

@OhCaptain has nailed it...to us, these guys are a priority but to them we are merely an option.

Who wants that?

I know I want and more importantly deserve more... so have taken control and erased him from my life.

I think the best thing would be for you to do the same because in my experience these men never change.

Good for you, Change!

Three strikes and you’re out is generous, I feel.

If you are doing all the organising and there is no effort from his side, bin him. Not worth it! Been there and done that with my ex, I thought he would change after time and stupidly ended up living with him, wasting years. If he's not putting effort in now whilst just dating, then there is no future IMO.

I'm with someone now how actively makes arrangements, we both do and it is how it should be!

I was trapped in a relationship like this after my divorce
Should've ended it after 9 months, held on for 3 years 🙈 utterly pointless and hard work

I'm now with a lovely man who makes plans, moves things to see me, includes me in events so we can be together

I remember people telling me it's shouldn't be this hard' and do you know what, they're so right!
In 2 years my boyfriend hasn't made anything difficult

None OP.

If you do, you are just wasting your time.

You are important to someone or your not.

Its really not complicated.

Pushing someone to be with you actually just makes them think less of you.

End it. Move on.👍

@ChangeOfName2020...well done

You've given him some chances already... so why not just wait, don't be proactive this time, and see how long it is before he reaches out to you?

Only one chance given with me I'm afraid.

If a guy isn't giving equal effort, I'm afraid they're history.

There is NOT ONE single guy who is right for you, there are MILLIONS who could be right for you ! But you'll never find ANY of them if you're clinging onto a guy who can't be arsed !

If I was you, I'd not be contacting him again, period. I'd be on the phone to my pals and arranging some fun days and nights out !

Thank you all. I know in my heart I need to end it because I'll never be happy with him.

And when we finally spend time together we end up arguing because I have so much resentment and frustration build up.

Onwards and upwards

We've also been dating 18 months aswell, so this is not a new relationship.

If someone does something horrid to you once, it’s their fault. Do it twice - it’s yours.

Be strong 💪🏻

After only 18 months it's best to cut your losses now. And the fact you're arguing whenever you see each other just puts paid to that, it shouldn't be that way so early on.

After commenting on a couple of posts today I've found myself having a bit of a wobble. Yes, I've blocked and deleted etc but have found my mind wondering towards what the outcome would be if I hadn't have done that.

I started to write a list (sad I know) of all the negatives... and it took more than a whole page in my notebook!!!

A stark reminder that I definitely did make the right decision. Why don't you do the same?

I'll now look back on that, and these posts to help me remain strong too 💪🏽

He isn't interested in you. You're a convenience. He isn't that bothered.

End it. Move on. Expect more.

You're not compatible. I have a friend who'd love the chance to do all the organising, her husband goes along with every plan and every idea. It seems to work for them, but I"m like you. I like a man to PLAN something for me!

He's not that into you? 🤷‍♀️ Maybe he's started chasing someone else?

When I first got with my ex, he was like that because he had a female "friend" he was seeing at the same time (I didn't know they were doing the nasty). She vanished and we had a good relationship... until best female "friend" of his started flirting with him after our baby was born, and then he started not being into me again and not fussed about seeing me nor our baby. It happens.

18 months? You should be in honeymoon mode! Get rid and find some that values you