"Nice guys"...

[Helloandhi]

Have you ever met or dated a man that has said at least once that he is a "nice guy" either jokingly or seriously.

Has he turned out to be that nice or does the Nice Guy™️ theory have some truth to it.

I just find it odd that anybody would say that, I think I am a decent person and have occasionally thought to myself that I haven't deserved something (eg being hurt) because I am decent but I don't believe I have actually come out and said I am a nice woman to anybody.

Any guy who describes themselves in that way is the opposite of a “nice guy”. Decent people don’t need to go around telling people they’re good. Imagine going to to GP surgery, meeting the doctor and the first thing he tells you is “ I’m a REAL doctor!- I promise!” Wouldnt that start you wondering if it was true? If you’re genuine you don’t need to tell people, you just are.

Ha yes that is true. I do find it odd. Never met another guy, actually nice or not, that has once said that, as far as I can remember at least.

I think they say it to compare themselves to all the super shits and then they feel relatively better about the fact they are only mildly critical and inconsiderate. 🙄
It's a terrible phrase meant to make women feel grateful they're not with an axe murderer.

Nice people don't have to tell people that they're nice.

"Nice Guys" in my experience are guys who feel entitled because they're not the worst they could be. Like they'll point out that they're not cheaters or violent like it should get them a cookie, rather than being just the baseline of acceptability.

"Nice Guy" is a red flag for me.

In online dating, If I see ‘nice guy’ or ‘too nice’ in someone’s profile, it sets off alarm bells for me. It’s setting themselves above everyone else.

I had one that called himself 'one of the good guys' after he'd done something sleazy and I pulled him up on it.

I think at the very least it shows a lack of self-awareness or ability to be critical of their own behaviour and acknowledge faults.

I would say I 'try to be' kind etc sometimes but I would never proclaim myself to be because I'm always capable of fucking up, like anyone, and it's not for me to say if I'm nice/good/kind, that's for other people to say.

So I suppose the blokes saying they're a 'nice guy' thing also shows a lack of social skills, or they'd know they're not the ones that get to decide that.

I've dated a few guys that have called themselves nice guys and they've ended up
Being the complete opposite. They've usually had something to hide.

My ex often referred to himself as a nice guy and he was the total opposite. He was a real nasty piece of work actually.

I agree...

I think at the very least it shows a lack of self-awareness or ability to be critical of their own behaviour and acknowledge faults.

I do feel like the majority of arguments tend to be my fault/get blamed on me, and I can only remember him actually apologising for something once, maybe twice.

Also being nice is just the basic acceptable behaviour of somebody. Not something that really needs to be mentioned or used as a defining characteristic?!

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_More_Mr.Nice_Guy(book)

Have a read of the above. He sounds passive aggressive - deliberately confusing and gaslighting you - by “telling” you he is “nice” but not “behaving” nice by blaming and never apologising. Doesn’t sound like he wants to resolve issues or conflicts - just wants to gain power by winning arguments.

Ahh thanks.

He does usually behave "nicely" often by doing favours or giving little gifts I haven't asked for, but then it makes me feel guilty if I haven't been grateful enough etc and because I don't always do it in return (as I am not hugely well off at the moment, for gift buying, and have other things to focus on aside from just the relationship) if that makes sense.

So then I guess he probably gets the "nice guy" self imposed frustration of feeling like he isn't always getting the same in return

It is true that issues and conflicts are never result between us it seems.

**resolved!!

Hello, you know good and well he's not a nice guy (and NO ONE who says this is, it's a red flag for I'm a twat who thinks I'm God's gift to women), he put his hand over your mouth to stop you talking, he has zero respect for you or your boundaries, he bullies you, he shows you all the time he's abusive but you continue to carry on with him and hang onto another abusive relationship.

In my experiences, "nice guys" are anything but.

It usually comes with a subtext of "... so you can't criticise me" or "... so I'll be hurt if you say no to me. Why would you say no? After all, I'm a nice guy" or a general "... so I'm beyond reproach".

Men who are generally decent guys don't need to tell people because they're behaviour shows it. They don't expect to be rewarded for it somehow.

Bottom line is, there's always a cost or a price to pay with a 'nice guy'- as you've already discovered.

Nah.... "nice guys" never are. Neither the ones who have to proclaim "I'm a nice guy" nor the ones who act all "nice guy" without the proclamation.
If you really need to go on about being a nice guy then you're definitely not.
A genuinely nice person doesn't need to say anything because they just are. And a genuinely nice person understands that they too have faults and can be a knob/bitch at times too

Yeah I know...

Or if you say "no" or put up a boundary with a "nice guy" they get all shocked/personally offended, like I am so nice so why would you need to have that boundary ...

If you were truly nice you would accept people have different boundaries and respect them.

Exactly.

These are the worst! I met a guy online who described himself many times as a 'gentleman' and a 'nice guy'. I've never met a more narcissistic twat! He was totally self obsessed, forever falling out with people whilst he was always the 'victim' . I had to block him because he was so awful. Agree with those saying nice people don't need to say they are nice, they just are!

Sorry to hear about everybody's bad experiences of "Nice Guys"! I guess my suspicions may be right...

Nice people don't have to tell people that they're nice.

Not strictly true. I believe that I get perceived as 'not as nice as some women' because I'm exceptionally androgynous to look at and don't present as typically 'feminine' (without getting into a sidelined gender debate).

I've hard people say: 'Don't mess with Legs: she's tough'. Well, yes, she is. But she's also kind, understanding and absolutely NEVER vengeful. She can also be a mardy arse on any given day. Human, see?

But, yeah: I do have to point out that I'm nice sometimes