Controlling relationships

[ellabella1998]

Hey I'm quite young and just wanted some advice from anyone that has either been through this and come out the other end . I have been in quite a toxic relationship for the past two years and I'm now 8 months pregnant expecting my first child . I love him to pieces and we do have some nice times together it's just sometimes things just are not right he talks to me like shit comes with so much baggage and problems that he refuses to sort out and they cause such problems for us . Financially he is so bad with money spends it all on drugs but I just can't seem to loose the attachement with him I can't imagine what life would be like without him what a day with him not being in my life would look like . I feel so trapped in my own feelings and feeling so bad for him for his start in life and his issues that I feel as though it's stopping me from leaving him even though he is awful to me my heart Couldn't take leaving him as I am all he has . His mother died when he was young and dosnt keep in contact with his family . I really want to be happy and I'm finding I'm just crying everyday because something didn't feel right I also feel like he still loves his ex girlfriend and that affects me as I love him so much so to see him down about another Person that isn't me is a hard pill to swallow :(

I couldn’t just read and run! I am in a very similar situation (without the drugs) I am trying to get out personally because it’s causing to many effects on my children and myself! I think it’s best you try to get out now before it effects the baby and your mental health. You need to be a strong independent women. I’ve asked this guy to leave a million times but he refuses, I’ve chucked his clothes out etc he constantly breaks the door in to get back, the dc end up screaming and crying police just note it as a row won’t actually remove him because he returns 24 hours later!! I have now had to start collecting evidence against the emotional abuse so I can go through the correct services to protect my children. The man you are with is no longer your priority, the baby and yourself are main focus. Get rid hun trust me it only gets worse... x

I know I will be happier he really drags me down I feel so sad and unhappy he has called me names before and I replay it over and over again I just can't understand why he's so horrible sometimes . What your going through sounds awful it's my worst fear my son being affected by him but he has always wanted a son and literally beams when talking about him I know it is for the best but I just find it so hard within myself to take myself and the baby away from him he would crumble . But your right it's not about me anymore
Hope thinks works out for you sending lots of love x

You wouldn’t be taking the baby away you would just be doing supervised visits until the times right. I was exactly the same as you two years ago and I thought it’s okay it’ll work things will patch up.. what a mistake that..he shouts at my eldest (not biologically his) my son who is his (unfortunately) now 2 he got in my sons face last weekend and told him to piss off! I was fuming I grabbed my son and he tried to trip me up and called me a c**t infront of my kids, tonight his told me if I don’t do his washing tomorrow his going to push me down the stairs. Please please trust me when I say get out!! It gets worse not better x

As I said before the only way to go down the proper route is to now collect evidence, every conversation he has with me record it, every time his with the kids phone is on record. I write notes every night (feelings, name calling, asking who I’m texting, where I’m going etc) it’s controlling and emotional abuse. I only wish I’d done it 2 years back It’s horrible but it’s how I protect my children in the long run and go down the correct route with evidence in court. X

My heart goes out to you. Tough situation. Keep writing your feelings and talking would help you too. It’s a process (if you stay to change things or leave...both take time). You’re ace

@Mummybear26 I hope you are getting help yourself. You don't need a catalogue of evidence to get out, contact women's aid on 0808 2000 247. Help is out there and you are entitled to it. Your children will thank you for getting out.

"Financially he is so bad with money spends it all on drugs"

I'm sorry but that's not a money problem, it's a drug problem! Please please don't sentence your innocent baby to a life with a drug addict parent. Please run away!

Thanks for the number @MunaZaldrizoti appreciate it, but this post wasn’t actually about me as @ellabella1998 asked for the help I was just letting her know how the situation can become bad from my own experience.... I have to agree with @Bookworm83 and put the baby and yourself first and get out hun 💐