EX GIRLFREINDS

[ellabella1998]

My boyfriend literally drives me up the wall always mentioning his ex girlfriend to other people . When I hear him talk about her I just end up feeling so low and depressed . This isn't for any specific reason it's just he always talks about the gifts he has got her and the places they have been to . It just winds me up as he didn't really do any of this with me I think part of him doing it is an ego boost for himself as he was in a much better situation back then finachally where as now he didn't have much so I try not to take it personal but I'm 8 months pregnant and just want more out of life. I'm tired of sitting in bed crying thinking I'm not good enough . He's also a lot older than me I'm 21 and he is 36 . His ex girlfriend was around the same age as me for reference .

What does he say when you bring this up with him?

Sounds like a real catch. Feel for you though, sounds like he likes them a certain age, hopefully you will be happier in life when you out grow his criteria and then you can be with someone who makes you happy in yourself

Well I haven't really Brang it up to him as it's only I will hear him on the phone or speaking to someone and it just makes me feel
Like shit I don't know why and I try really hard to make it not but it does it affects my whole day . He would probably say that he dosnt mean to affect me which I know he dosnt I think he's just careless and dosnt think before he speaks his mentally quite slow in that respect . I'm just pushing to make things work as I'm 8 months pregnant so young and don't want to do feel as though I have wasted my life having a baby :(

God he sounds really dumb. Can you go back to family and have the baby there?

Yeah I have really supportive family I have my own house he lives here but he also has his own house he can stay at

You need to sit down with him and tell him straight about how it’s making you feel. It’s disrespectful on al levels and I’m inclined to think he’s not over her/ still has feelings. Do you know why they split up and who initiated the split?

I’d be saying he needs to knock it on the head like now because your not going to tolerate him living in the past pining over his ex girlfriend especially when he’s got a baby that’s about to be born and if that’s how he wants to live his life (in the past) then he can do so alone because your not willing to wear the behaviour for another second.

And mean it when you say it, this should be a happy time for you and you should be getting excited for your new baby together but instead your feeling insecure and like shit and that is not how you want to be feeling once you’ve had your baby, you need support and to feel like you have the support otherwise you may end up with pnd

Do you have anyone you can go stay with for a few days? Maybe having that talk with him and then having a few days break would do you some good? And hopefully make him realise what he is about to lose if he doesn’t start acting right

Don't let him get rid of his house!

My mum says when men go for much younger women, it's because women their own age wouldn't touch them with a barge pole, they'd see through them and not give them the chance to prove what arseholes they think they are!

You’ve not wasted your life at all and don’t think that! It’s hard but so worth it, honestly ♥️ Some people are in relationships with their partners and they feel alone as they do everything for the baby while the dad just sits back so if you end up actually doing it alone it won’t be much different than if he was there ♥️

Don’t take this crap off him, you feel vulnerable already and he should be making you feel secure.

Thank you so much I really needed to hear that it's always a hard pill to swallow admiring the fact that he still has feelings for her I'm trying to let myself know that dosnt make me any less of a person he just still has feelings . It riddles you with self doubt that your not good enough and makes me feel low . I can't understand it as I would never make someone feel like that ever I mean their is just certain things you say and certain things you don't . While I was about 3 months pregnant and on a break from him I had an feeling their were seing each other but I just tried to let it go as I was pregnant and thought I'll just let him do what he wants to do as I can't control someone feelings I think she found out I was pregnant and cut things of with him then when he moved back I. With me I found her bank details in his bag so it confirmed all my gut feelings were true . Then we had a big argument one day and he had admitted they had stayed together at hotels whilst I had been pregnant and I remember how I felt it felt like I was choking and couldn't breathe I had the most horrible lump in my throat he was saying how she's so much better than me and I'm so awful and ugly I think that kind of thing stays with you I don't think I will ever not remember that day . We never have actually sat down and spoke about it so it has made me turn into a crazy phycopath turning the tv down every time I hear him on the phone going to sleep crying wishing I could be good enough really for someone who dosnt deserve me at all . I know he does love me but it kind of hurts to know you are second best or he has just settled I think the only way I'll make myself feel better is if I don't let him settle for me . The sad thing is I had a really nice ex boyfriend who idolised and adored me and I took it for granted thinking that he was better and because it was new and I was so caught up in it I shut things down with him he will never talk to me now iv had a baby with someone else and that has made me depressed to I feel like I gave up the chance of a good life with someone

I’ve just read your other post, you really need to get out. You say he’s got his own house? Pack his stuff and tell him to sling his hook from yours. Does he have a key to yours and are you able to slyly remove it from him? He sounds like such a prick and you need to change your way of thinking. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s him. It’s you who shouldn’t have to settle for with him, not the other way around - if he’s admitted to cheating on you whilst pregnant and the only reason it was broken off was because she found out you were pregnant then it sounds like he was going to leave you for her. I know it’s hard at the minute because you feel so vulnerable but find your angry and think of all the times he’s disrespected you, the names he’s called you and everything else he’s done to you and find it within yourself to kick him to the kerb.
Does he work? Are you able to get him out of your house by simply locking your door after he’s left to go to work or to the shop and maybe go stay with your mum or a friend for a few days just incase he comes back to the house causing a scene?
With you being so heavily pregnant you need to be taking care of yourself too and you don’t need this bullshit at 8 months pregnant.
I really do hope you’re okay lovely, it’s shit to be in a relationship like that with someone, I’ve been there myself, it won’t get better xxx

Youll develop a lower tolerance to this type of bullshit when your baby is here because as a mummy, you won’t stand to see him shun your baby in favour for an ex.

I’m so cross for you hun, if I knew you in real life I’d be round kicking him out for you. Don’t understand how older men think it’s acceptable to behave like that towards younger girlfriends. He’s an absolute wanker. As a mature gentleman He should be taking care of you and your soon to be born baby ( congratulations by the way 🎉) it just goes to show that age doesn’t define maturity!

He dosnt work at all he just smokes weed takes from me and makes me feel like shit . It is really hard admitting he was going to leave me for someone else but I think I am coming to the relocation that maybe he just prefers her to me and that's okay because I just hope one day I meet someone that chooses me over everyone else without a doubt . That's the hard thing I would always pick him no matter what and he knows it I couldn't say the same thing for him . I think he owed her money to around the time I found the banks details I remember the day him saying he needed to go to the bank to get transfer money as he owed it to his friend he tried to get money from me to give to her . It's crazy how things all start adding up

Good god op, that's awful. You need to get yourself away from this man ASAP. You should never feel second best, you are worth more than this. End things with him. He has no respect for you and he doesn't love you. I don't mean that to sound harsh but if he did he wouldn't treat you the way is does.

He's a weed smoking layabout who has been cheating on you throughout your (presumably unplanned) pregnancy.

What on Earth do you see in him?
Kick him out now. You need to concentrate on the new baby, not this useless manchild .

Are you absolutely sure he had money before. Sounds like he might be talking bullshit.

OK so he is a drug abusing unemployed guy who makes you feel shit and is hung up on his ex?

Look - there's no future for you here. Break it off with him. Get support from your family and don't have more kids with him, or with anyone who is unemployed, uses drugs, etc. etc.

You are young, you made a mistake getting pregnant by this guy for sure, but you're 8 months gone now and you can make the best of a bad situation. You're going to need to get rid of him though. You have a baby to think about here - you can't waste your emotional energy and money on a useless arsehole. Get rid and focus on baby.

Oh my god!! He is just using you. Please please please seek some help in real life! Taking from his pregnant girlfriend to pay back his ex! Wow!! Do you have any older brothers or anything who can physically remove him from your house?
You need to sever these ties with him, he is using you and it’s not right and it’s not on at all! I bet he hasn’t helped much towards buying things the baby needs either?

It’s really not okay that he’s living in your house, having you carry his arse at 8 months pregnant and you don’t mind because you can’t change his feelings? Think about it if it was your friend or a sister, you’d tell them to run for the hills. I understand that you don’t want to be alone during this time in your life but it’s no good for you or your health.

I could honestly cry for you darling, please get some help in real life, he is leaching off you and it needs to be stopped. ♥️♥️♥️

You will be an amazing mummy too, you can do this!

Thanks .... iv been putting of thinking about this whole situation as things have been okay but it has affected me and I don't think Iv gotton over it or ever will all this advice has been amazing and really appreciate it I'm deffo gonna start making steps to getting away from this relationship and starting to feel happier again .

@heartburn888 the thing you mention about him having money before I have been thinking about maybe it wasn't true . I was being nosey once before and looked on his old messages and saw his ex saying she needed her money back and he needed to send it to her ( she moved away to work abroad to get away from him ) that's why I think he brings up the many times they did nice things together or he got her a gift because it makes him feel better about himself that's why I allowed it . I never got clarification from the situation as what am I meant to say by nature I'm not aggressive was I mean to message the girl asking her for her to only be spiteful to me as she's clearly hurt I'm having a baby that would just make everyone feel like shit . And if she is so great why would she want to go back with him . Sometimes things aren't all they seem . And I think Iv been beating myself up over fabricated scienaros and putting myself down for no reason . Thank you for all your advice you have really been a shining light