My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. He is my first proper relationship although we are both in our mid thirties. I was a slow starter in relationships due to fear of being stuck in a relationship I couldn’t escape.
A year ago I had just sorted my self-esteem out enough to decide that this was the year I would start dating. We’d been friends for a few weeks when he became the first person to ask me on a date. Initially I had doubts because he was so different to men I dated in the past who were selfish and full of drama. He was ambitious, mature and a total gentleman. I was not used to being treated that way and it didn't feel right, but I fought off my gut instincts to leave because I knew my natural attachment style was unhealthy (I had tolerated abuse in my past).
As the months went on, I began to feel more comfortable around him and like I actually deserved his love and compliments. He never made me feel co-dependent because he offers so much trust and he has helped me to come out of my shell. I think on the whole we're a good couple and people always say how good we are together. This has been a positive experience for me.
But as much as I love him, but I have constant doubts that I'm in the wrong relationship. I'd say these doubts occurred once every few weeks and I become super depressed because I don't want to hurt him or for him to think I'm a charlatan. I have told him this a few months ago and it breaks his heart because he loves me so much. No one as ever made me feel so wanted and understood before. He knows all about my anxieties, my abusive past, my worst fears...and yet he still thinks I'm perfect. These doubts always disappear for a while and everything will feel great again, then they'll come back (often during a time when I feel stressed or depressed) and I don't know what to do. I know if I ended things with him I'd regret it instantly and I'd miss him so much. But if I stay with him, I need to find a way to defeat these constant doubts. Help?