Discarded by friend multiple times- im a mug.

[Cheesypea]

Im in my mid 40's. History of depression, dodgy childhood, history of crap relationships and long term single.
I have a long term male friend (30 odd years) his friendship has always been very important to me. He has a history of depression also. He has stopped talking to me for periods of time in the past ( every 3 years ish). Each time i thought his response was disprepotinate to his percieved slight and i have been extremely upset. Weve made up after a period and things have been ok. Was suppost to see him a couple of weeks ago for a drink. He cancelled and sent me an angry text- i invited him and his new partner out to a show spur of the moment without checking the details first ( this was unforgivable). I text him tonight to 'check in' no response- i know im a mug.

He doesn’t sound like a friend to me. When he decides he has finished ignoring you, I wouldn’t bother replying to him.

Thanks winter cat- maybe i should block him and think about why i keep on going back.

Was suppost to see him a couple of weeks ago for a drink. He cancelled and sent me an angry text- i invited him and his new partner out to a show spur of the moment without checking the details first ( this was unforgivable).

I don't understand this part.

Why did he cancel? Why was he angry? What did you do that was unforgivable?

I recently blocked someone a bit like that. If you block them you'll feel a lot better for it as you won't be constantly anxious they're going to drop you etc, and you'll be asserting your own self-esteem. I'd recommend it.

Like your name dickhead- thanks hope you get through the break up.
Not this- he told me off as the show finished the day b4 and i didnt consider special needs support- then cancelled drinks over text. Not a word since.

What special needs support does he or his girlfriend require?

Why on Earth are you doing all this chasing? What's he tried to organise for you??

Block him. He sounds like a complete walloper. Just your basic twat.

The support is significant- dont want to be too outing. And no i didnt consider it when i made the spur of the moment invite.

Thanks not this shit-walloper made me laugh. And yes im usually bloody organising everything.

Hold on, I re-read and I think I misunderstood the timeline.

You invited him and his GF to a show without discussing with him first or checking with the venue about support for disability.

I'm assuming they didn't respond and you didn't buy the tickets.

You had an evening out for drinks arranged for you and him which was after the show finished, which he then cancelled because he was sulking that you didn't check with him/GF/the venue.

Is that right? (I thought on first reading that he'd cancelled the drinks and THEN you'd asked them to the show as a sort of make-up attempt.)

Unless you have a history of neglecting to take into account their support needs**, then he's being a stroppy arse and I'd kick him to the kerb.

**I can say it gets very wearing to be invited to events/places that are (for example) unsuitable for wheelchair users, or don't provide any sign language performances, or any seating, or anywhere to take a child having a panic attack, or provide any food options for someone with allergies, etc. The first couple of times I'll say "Oh that sounds lovely but unfortunately I won't be able to as XYZ, but maybe you and I could go for a coffee/lunch next weekend?" After that I'm just like 🤨

Did you say he is a friend of 30 years? Surely he’s worth a frank conversation before blocking. I think blocking ls pretty harsh to be honest. We all f**k up and friendships can take effort and mutual understanding.

The drinks were on a different evening
I did casually ask them out without checking with the venue first- i thought i could see if they were interested in going and we could discuss access arrangemts etc during planning or you know do something else? I dont have a history of dismissing the disability and have been as helpful as i can in the past in many numerious different ways.

Im not good with goodbyes either. Thats why ive made massive efforts over the years to try and repair the relationship on the three other occasions when he has cut contact with me.

Talk to him. It sounds to me like there are hurt feelings on both sides.

Does he have many other friends?

Not good with goodbyes. I text him yesterday to test the waters. No response.

This is his pattern he ignores me for months or even years. Its his default conflict management style. I initiate contact again after some time has passed. Then the friendship goes into a honey moon period and the whole cycle starts again.
3 he does have friendships however he fell out with somewone else over something i would percieve as minor. I cant tell if its self sabatage or he is being delibrately nasty to keep the upper hand in the relationship?

I'd drop him...the older I get the less time and patience I have for people like this...life is too short.

i thought i could see if they were interested in going and we could discuss access arrangemts etc during planning or you know do something else?

Well that's what I used to do with my DM - is she interested in going to X on such and such a date? Yes? Right, let's see about getting her wheelchair in. And is there a loo nearby?

Really, block him. He may be taking something else in his life out on you, but he's still an uberknob. I have a long term male friend and he has never done this to me.

Thanks for all the replys and the support I think im still acting out relationship dramas and continuing to be an emotional punching bag. The reaction to planning drinks and trying to plan a night out was plan nasty. Ill stop persuing the friendship, talking to a load of strangers on the internet has really given me strength. Basically after being dropped so many times in the past i just cant take it any more. Your the best

Good for you, lovely!

You need to stay strong!
Its hard when someone doesn't need/want you the way you need/want them, believe me..I do know, but this friendship sounds unhealthy for you!
I've tried and pushed for my best friend to keep in touch...but she has other commitments, so I've stepped back(she didn't respond to a message that her godson needs surgery!!)