He doesn't know I'm pregnant

[mayathebeee]

I finally got the strength to end my awful relationship with exdp.
He was emotionally abusive, a liar and cheat. Even at the end I didn't realise how bad he actually was until I opened up to family and friends who were absolutely shocked.

He didn't take it well at all and harassed me nonstop, worse than he previously had. To the point I had to report him and Nc since.

Issues is that at the same time of his harassment I found out I was pregnant, we already have a Lo together.

I have been doing really well with support from my family and friends but the 12 week scan is coming up and I'm just so lost!

He doesn't know and I can't and don't want him to but it's hard because the last time I was in this situation we were together.
I have enjoyed getting on with my life in the best way I can but sometimes it just hurts.

Plus my snapchat keeps showing me pictures from the previous years which are all of us and lo.

I knew continuing with this pregnancy I would go through this and it's probably only going to get worse.
I have probably fallen at the first hurdle.

Does he currently have access to your 1st child?

No not at the moment.

Are you able to conceal the pregnancy from him?

Do you have any nosy fuckers who would tell him it was his? If not I'd just say it wasn't his.

My family and friends have no links to him at all.
And I'm going to try to get a mol if the bail conditions changes so I do not have to have any contact with him

Terrible advice to say that the baby isn’t his if he found out.

If you’ve made the decision to keep the baby then I guess he does need to know, you can’t really withhold contact from your children from him because he’s been a prize nob head unfortunately unless you have some genuine concerns for their safety. If he takes you to court over access and it comes out you’ve lied about paternity for the youngest then it will paint you to be just as bad as him.

If it was me, I’d tell him when I felt like I had to or when he finds out because am sure mutual friends will turn informant, I’d give him a chance to be a proper dad to the kids but if he regularly let them down I’d tell him to take me to court for access and go nc until such a time

Heartburn888 I'd agree if he was just a nobhead. Nobheads can still be good dads (sometimes...) But this man is an abuser - he's on bail and forbidden to contact her.

She won't need to lie - she won't be able to put him on the birth certificate anyway because he won't be attending to register with her, and they're not married. All she needs to say in court is she didn't know who the father was.

Thank you for the advice.

He really only has interest in our ds when it comes to us. Otherwise he doesn't care.

I obviously didn't see this before because ds was young and I was around all the time until I went back to work and it became clear very quickly he doesn't want to parent.

So I am very concerned.
He's not simply a knobhead he is extremely dangerous, he will mark himself to have proof that he will kill himself if I leave. He will go to any lengths to get me to change my mind.
That's why it is so important I stay away from him.

Don’t contact him about the baby! He sounds psychotic! Go see a solicitor to find out what your rights are regarding this

Don't contact him. Don't tell him about the baby until you absolutely categorically have to.

Speak to your midwife and ask her advice. She'll have helped women in this situation.

I won't be contacting him at all.
It helps a lot being NC with him.
It's just hard sometimes because my emotions go back and forth. The memories I have are clouded and stained with his nasty behaviour but then I think back to him being with me with our other ds.

My df did say it was take time to work through what he has actually done to me and my mind over the years.

Well done for leaving and it seems that your DF have the measure of him. I agree that you need to speak to your midwife etc for support.

Are you living far enough away, where you won’t bump into either him, his family and his friends?

Well done for escaping. Consider the freedom programme to help you work through your feelings.

Yes I will look at that.
And I know it's good I finally cut ties. I truly never believed a person good be so bad and cruel while telling you they love you so much.

I was totally blinded, it wasn't the typical says nasty words or hits you situation.