NC for this. I can't discuss this with anyone IRL and don't know what to do.
About 6 months ago I entered a friendship with a man at my new job. I've had lots of friendships with people of all ages before, and never thought age was a barrier to friendship. He is 35 years older.
At around the same time, someone very close to me died and I was at a loss of how to carry on. I was dosed up on medication to get by in every day life. He offered me a shoulder to cry on so to speak, as well as a friendly ear. We messaged each other outside work and he said he cared about me, was there for me, etc. We met up outside work a few times when I was at my lowest, he said he wanted to help me as a friend.
He then started to act differently when we were together. He kept hugging me, saying it was to comfort me. He then started kissing me, first my head, then cheeks at first. He would put his arm around me and move his hand around on my breast (over clothes). I told myself this was an accident, and felt embarrassed to say anything at the same. About a month later I asked him about it, he said it was an accident but he enjoyed it 
Then he started to get even weirder, and kissed me on the lips, and held me still with his hands on my shoulders. I was shocked and repulsed and froZe. He wouldn't let me go so I felt the only way to get him to stop was to kiss him back. I was wrong, and he tried again. Afterwards I told him that would never happen again and he promised it wouldn't. Yet he tried again next time. He kept saying he loves and cares for me, and I should be nice and loving in return. I should probably mention he has a wife and kids older than me.
About 2 months ago I came to my senses and told him I wasn't going to have a friendship with him anymore, we would just be colleagues. He didn't take this well, he kept asking why I have changed, and said I should be open to love and his affection, and said we could just be friends without anything else. I don't believe it and I've started to be curt back to him when our paths cross, but it's hard as he's higher than me at work.
The experience has made me feel violated and I feel disgusted whenever I see him. No one at work knows, and there would be shockwaves if people found out. People joke about him being strange, but there would be complete shock if they knew just how strange.
I feel it's my fault, as if I sent the wrong messages by meeting up with him etc. But I've had friendships before where there was no expectation beyond friendship. I can't tell anyone because people may think I asked for it by agreeing to meet up with him and I couldn't take the shame of people thinking I wanted him or this. 