How did you get over the long term effects of emotional abuse??

[Boredbumhead]

I have managed to leave a destructive relationship of 12 years all by myself two years ago. The process was brutal though. I had to change the children's schools and move 70 miles from 'home'. Leaving behind my home (joint owned) and my support group.

I'm rather socially isolated now and seeing some of the longer term effects of the verbal abuse surface. I'm now very distrustful of people. I'm constantly exhausted and have low self confidence. People in this new place don't really know me like in the old place and this is hard.

Can I ask what strategies or therapies or techniques you used to overcome and recover from the damage of the abuse?

Also if you had to flee, did you ever manage to move back home? I think I'll have to sell our joint house as I can't buy ex p out, but at the moment he has monopolised the house and made a mess of it. He calls it 'his' house when really it is a joint house.

I haven’t recovered 12 years on. I accepted that I wouldn’t ever reach a point where I thought I’d went back to ‘normal’ I’m wiser in a lot of ways but very cynical too. It takes me a long while to trust people and I still question their intentions and second guess the true meaning of what they say. I had about two years all in of person centred counselling and can rationalise my thoughts given time and understanding. I try to look after myself like I would someone I love. I try not to be hard on myself or feel guilty for what’s gone. Accept that I did the best I could with what I knew then. Just looking after myself, walking, music, being productive.

I didn’t get to move back and after all this time I’m still dealing with the debt that was left after he refused to move from the jointly owned house. That’s been stressful, won’t have a clear credit rating for another few years. Almost 15 years after leaving.

But never for a minute would I change a thing, you won’t regret it. It’s hard and lonely and full of mixed emotions. But I’m free of the thing that would have been the end of me one way or another. You are amazing for getting as far as you have, trust yourself and get counselling if possible, use women’s aid and get good legal advice. Good luck