Beg and cry when they cheat

[EastConsideration5]

When you catch out a cheating spouse and they cry, beg and say they are a changed person, give them another chance, don't break up the kids home etc do they mean it, will they likely do it again if you forgive this time if they saw how close they were to losing everything?

Anyone experienced all the cries, flowers chocs, gifts, I am a changed man speech and what was the outcome?

I didn't cheat but made to feel so guilty when they wronged me.. WTH

I would have thought they were more likely to do it again, not less, as they got away with it.

It's the standard script.

I think it would be best for you to take a step back from the wall of begging... he isnt giving to space to breath and think it through. Get some space, ask him to leave so you cant think it through.

I would say begging, crying, gifts, promises etc would not be enough as it doesn’t resolve the reasons why they cheated in the first place. If the reasons for the cheating aren’t addressed then yes it would seem likely to happen again.

Should have thought about breaking up the family before cheating. Only begging and crying because they got caught.

But it's not you breaking up the kids home, it's him.

I'd say if you forgive it once it's a green light for him to do it as many times as he wants.

I think likely to repeat offend.

I couldn't forgive it and stay in the relationship. I didn't in fact. I left. Haven't looked back.

Also, sorry this has happened to you. I hope you're ok.

I should think crying and begging are standard for the cheat who's been caught out. It's because they feel sorry for themselves and were caught!

Just sickening - and so totally pathetic.

You've changed!

But... if you hadn't been caught, you'd still be doing it.

Ok.

Its part of the script
And yes they always do it again, however they are usually better at hiding it and gaslighting you by then

I'm afraid I see cheating as the immediate end to that relationship.

No amount of apologising can change the fact that they thought so little of you that they decided to cheat. And they DID decide to.

There is NO excuse e.g being drunk/ they came on to him/ etc, which would make any person unable to make a choice.

They made a choice, and they just try to excuse it away by saying 'It wasn't my fault'......erm....YES, IT bloody well WAS !!

Here's the door...............use it !

I think you would struggle to find an unfaithful partner who wouldn't cry and beg when their infidelity was discovered - in some ways it's a completely natural response. The fantasy bubble of their affair (or ONS or EA) has popped and the reality of what they have done and the pain they have caused their partner has hit them smack in the face. You will get a tonne of responses on this thread which essentially say 'LTB' but actually I don't think the individual circumstances of your, or anybody else's, relationship issues are the same. Nobody here knows your partner. We don't know anything about them or how genuine their remorse is - how genuine they are in their regret and remorse is for you and only you to figure out. If they are TRULY remorseful and actually 'get' the damage that they have done to you, if they absolutely mean what they say to you now then it might be possible to work your way through things. But if it is all just talk, well, that's very different. We can't tell you which it is. I think flowers and chocolates is woefully inadequate as any kind of 'apology' for want of a better word and actually I think it's inappropriate in the circumstances. They need to fully understand the emotional damage and hurt they have caused you in order to move forward, and thinking that a box of chocolates will soothe you is actually crazy.

These videos might help you, possibly. They have helped me in the aftermath of my DH having a ONS. On my darkest days I found them comforting and helpful;

www.bing.com/videos/search?q=video+therapy+recovering+from+infidelity+uk&ru=%2fvideos%2fsearch%3fq%3dvideo%2520therapy%2520recovering%2520from%2520infidelity%2520uk%26qs%3dn%26form%3dQBVR%26sp%3d-1%26pq%3dvideo%2520therapy%2520recovering%2520from%2520infidelity%2520u%26sc%3d0-42%26sk%3d%26cvid%3d04CBBC659FE442C0B03BE9C5BD35AC70&view=detail&mid=D24BEBDC6DE19131F02AD24BEBDC6DE19131F02A&rvsmid=564D2C17F7AEABE50549564D2C17F7AEABE50549&FORM=VDRVRV&ajf=70

They all do this. He's gutted because he's been caught and now he's panicking.

If you forgive this, he will do it again.

I agree that crying and begging is so ubiquitous that it offers no insight into the outcome.

I also agree with the poster above that you need space and time and should not be guilted out of taking both those things to make your mind up.