My boyfriends divorce

[Ladyluck99]

Hi. I have been dating someone for nearly 2 years. He is nearing the end of a difficult divorce process and has a young child from his marriage. Since we met I have supported him with it. But now it's at an end and his relationship with his ex wife is alot more amicable I am not sure how to act! I am genuinely happy for him that things have improved as it's best for everyone involved. But i suppose it's just hard to hear how great everything is now as the last two years have been so difficult. I suppose I'm so used to the negativity. Maybe I'm just jealous that their relationship.is good and worried that any sparks will be reignited. Just looking for advice really on how to be in this situation.

It sounds like you’ve been really supportive already. It’s unlikely any sparks would reignite, but as you say, it’s better for the kids to be amicable.
Do you have contact with the ex and kids? I’d just support a positive relationship there and focus on your own relationship. Hopefully your boyfriend will do the same.

Your life will be ultimately easier if they get on. He’ll spend less time negotiating and stressing with his ex this way in the long term

They don't live nearby so not really. Only met the child 3 times. I think I just have to put on my girl pants

Being amicable is best for the DC. I get on very well with my ex-H. He remarried and I get on with his wife too, she's lovely. I had no desire to go back to my ex-H at all!

Yes. Totally get that

Same as PinkMonkeyBird. I get on with my ex and his wife. I don’t want to get back together with him. It would never work, which is why it didn’t. We’re better as friends.

My relationship with my ex was rocky for the first 1-2 years after the split, we're now very good friends, no sparks and I'm in a new relationship and ex gets on well with him too. I'm sure it does feel like a massive turn around and confusing but this is good a thing for all involved. Try not to worry OP.

After a lot of tension in the first few years, my ex and I get on better. I had to swallow a lot of pain and anger (she cheated, amongst other things) but it’s been worth it for my DC.

Would I want to go back to her (or even just have a ONS)? Dear God no! I would literally rather chew off my arm.

Thanks everyone. When things weren't great me and him were on the one side and now it seems like it's them and the child one side and me on the other. I nearly preferred it when they weren't getting on! Immature I know but just being honest. I know it will just take abit of getting used too.

Are you sure he isn't giving this impression now all of a sudden to keep you on your toes. My ex would always play one off against another appearing pally with the ex once the new gf had been around for a bit and he became more secure with her. I may be off the mark but if not it's food for thought.

Very unlikely sparks will reignite. I’m on the divorce path and it takes so long to accept it’s the reality and it’s so painful that I imagine few Shrug all that off and go back .

He's looking for the best outcome for his child and that means getting on with his ex. You're the adult here not the child, and that means setting yourself aside for their best outcome (harsh but true). If they continued to battle it out the child would suffer in the long term, and they'll be living with that statistically longer than you!

It's also very easy to fall in line to support a partner when you're together and they talk shit about their ex (I'm not that person! I'm more than that!). But yes, it's much harder to step away and acknowledge, well yes your partner may have played their own part in being a dick too? But we're all human, and no one is perfect.

Do not worry. Calm does not mean sparkle. He is in a less painful place now, it's good for you. There is no going back.

One useful thing is to conjure up a picture of your own ex, the one you had the most bitter split from.

Now imagine 'reigniting'.

This will be how he feels.