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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When you actually have nothing but debt

4 replies

Withorwithouthim · 24/02/2020 09:37

I have nothing, I have debt which is serviceable from my job at the family firm, I live in a house connected to the firm. I have no family or friends that can help.
I believe I am in an abusive marriage due to my husband's depression. Even when he is 'well' he is critical, won't help around the house, won't cook, clean expects all meals to me made, doesn't help financially despite knowing how little I earn and expects me to pay for everything. He is critical about my appearance and delights in humiliating me. We only ever do what he wants. When he is depressed he does absolutely nothing, won't help with the children, won't engage with me nothing. Everything is someone else's fault. He threatens to harm himself if things don't go his way. I don't know if he will or not. He won't do therapy tho does take medication but won't do anything to protect his mental health in his up periods.
I've started telling people that he has been off work due to poor mental health and now I'm seen as a monster for wanting to leave him. I accept he is ill but I can't make him better and he doesn't seem to want to get better.
How do I start the process, what do I do. I can't live like this anymore but I will honestly have nothing, I can cope with that but the kids will also have nothing.

OP posts:
PaterPower · 24/02/2020 09:49

Is it his family’s firm or yours? What will your employment status and housing look like if you asked him to leave?

Are there no family members you could rely on short term if you had to move out with the DC? Are you currently claiming all the UC you’re entitled to?

Withorwithouthim · 24/02/2020 09:56

All his family. I know how stupid I've been, it just all seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will approach his family but from how they treated my SIL I think they will side with him and then children a I will be homeless and without a job.

OP posts:
johnwayneisbigleggy · 24/02/2020 10:21

You start by speaking to women's aid. Get together a copy of all legal paperwork that you can and put it somewhere safe - a friend that you trust maybe? - and have a look into what benefits you would be entitled to as a single parent, although I'm sure women's aid would help you with that too.

PaterPower · 24/02/2020 15:56

If you’ve been in the job for more than two years then they wouldn’t be able to just sack you without leaving you the option to go to tribunal. Same for the tied house (this all assumes you have a contract etc?)

As johnwayne says, call Women’s Aid. CAB may also be useful and you can get an idea of what universal credit you may be eligible for via the online checker. You can adjust the figures to reflect you being out of work (if that’s what happens to you when you split).

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