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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New Partner huge health issues

17 replies

stuckinthemiddlewithyoufornow · 24/02/2020 00:03

Hi,

After some practical advice, I met someone late last year, fell hard and we get on great.

However I now realise the extent of his health issues and am worried.

He had a heart attack a year ago, has 30% functioning heart, caused said Doctor by heavy drinking.

He is still drinking very heavily ( 6-8 pints a night) and smoking heavily.

I don't see a happy ending here

OP posts:
rvby · 24/02/2020 00:06

Why do you want to have a relationship with a heavy drinker who won't stop even to save his own life?

There is no happy ending when you involve yourself with someone whose primary relationship is with the drink. He.loves it so much he will go to the grave for it. Do you think you will stop him? Because you absolutely won't...

Jane1978xx · 24/02/2020 00:16

The health problem isn’t the issue it’s his alcoholism

Purplewithred · 24/02/2020 00:19

Depends how old he is and whether he changes his ways. But yes, high chances of him becoming very disabled by his heart or lungs (copd if not cancer) or liver, with years of chronic illness and very limited lifestyle.

stuckinthemiddlewithyoufornow · 24/02/2020 00:22

When I found out I assumed he had cut back the drinking but its become evident he hasn't at all

Don't understand it, he is only early 50s

OP posts:
janemaster · 24/02/2020 00:36

I was sympathetic to him until you said he was a heavy drinker. Why do you want to be with someone who is effectively an alcoholic?

janemaster · 24/02/2020 00:39

@stuckinthemiddlewithyoufornow There is nothing to understand except that he is an alcoholic. People do tackle this and change, but they have to really want to. It is clear he does not.
Please for your own sake walk away from this. You are going to get your heart broken if you hang around.

OldWomanSaysThis · 24/02/2020 01:19

You can't compete with alcohol.

Gingerkittykat · 24/02/2020 01:53

Get out before you get too serious.

Do you want to be his carer and hate him for not helping himself?

Can he earn his own money or will he be a drain on you?

Will you end up heartbroken watching him self destruct?

LangSpartacusCleg · 24/02/2020 02:09

You say you want practical advice. I think there are two options

  1. Leave now before you become the carer for someone who doesn’t care for himself.
  2. Stay and ensure that his will is up to date and you inherit everything.

Personally, I think 1 is a better choice

IdleLiz · 24/02/2020 02:27

What is the attraction?

Dontjudgeme101 · 24/02/2020 02:39

Walk away, you will get hurt.

PixieRabbit · 24/02/2020 02:45

What on Earth do you see in him?

AgentJohnson · 24/02/2020 05:20

I don't see a happy ending here

You’re right, which means .....

FernFurze · 24/02/2020 05:28

Get out now.

PicsInRed · 24/02/2020 07:08

He's acquired a carer. I'd put money on that being his motivation for the best behaviour at the start.

Get out now.

PicsInRed · 24/02/2020 07:08

"A nurse with a purse."

Techway · 24/02/2020 07:38

What debt you understand? He is an alcoholic.

If he drinking at those levels then he will impact his liver. Who you fell for is the image of someone but not the actual man.

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