Not sure what to do??

[shakiwulub9]

Been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We broke up last summer as, after trying to make things work, he was still incredibly negative and it just wasn't something I could hack. I am a bubbly and outgoing person, he appeared to be the total opposite. He told me he would change, and upon getting back together we did go out more, he was more upbeat and positive in his outlook and things just felt generally good.

We are both 24 so still young and (I like to think!) Outgoing and full of life. I feel like his facade is fading as he is slowly but surely going back to his old ways again 😔 He is very negative about anything I/we/he does. He doesn't seem to have any passion or drive for anything. Any comment he makes on anything is always of the negative tone.
I've tried telling him about it, I've even tried telling him I will support him if he feels it may be depression or something, but he says there is no problem.

What do I do??

I do not want to settle for such a miserable way of life at such a young age, when people are always saying how happy and bubbly and outgoing I am. I love him, but I just don't know what I should do. I've given the relationship a real good go. If he is depressed, he knows I've offered to help him - but he has to want to get better, too. I can't carry him... and at such a young age, I don't want to do the carrying either.

I hope I don't sound unreasonable.
Being with him is starting to wear me down and tire me out. 😔 I just don't want to settle, and then look back with regrets.

I am still absolutely besotted by him, I message him whilst I'm at work telling him that I miss him, that I cannot wait to come home to him, that I am thinking about him etc. None of it is ever reciprocated, and seldom does he send messages of the same kind to me. Sometimes he doesn't even reply to the loving messages I send him!

If he is unhappy, why doesn't he just leave me instead of dragging this out? 😔

Tia x

Time to leave him to it, sorry.

You'll look back and wonder how and why you put up.with it.

You’re too young to settle for this (at any age)

Please leave now while you still can. People do not really change - wysiwyg. Whatever he is like now - in 20 years it will be even more so.

Don't settle - wait for someone who will give you the life you want.

2 years in and your joie de vivre has not rubbed off on him. He's a pessimist, a glass half empty person, and he's already too set in his ways to change.

Your zest for life makes you an optimist, a glass half full person, which is exactly what you should be at 24 years of age with your future and all of its exciting possibilities lying ahead of you.

Chalk him up to experience and have fun living the single life before looking to find a man who complements and enhances your personality.

If he is unhappy, why doesn't he just leave me instead of dragging this out?
He probably is happy with the way things are for HIM!!!
But reverse that.
YOU are NOT happy so why are YOU dragging this out???
You don't want to 'settle' - so don't!!!
He doesn't make you happy.
You have nothing in common.
You are not compatible.
Stop the madness.
End this.
Enjoy your very young life!

I am in the exact same situation as you - been together 5 years, both 25.

I honestly don't know what to do either

Nothing I do is ever good enough and it doesn't matter how many times I speak to him nothing changes, really don't know how long I can carry on

I'm so sorry that you're having any and all joy sucked from your life by this 'fun sponge' :(

Some people are just pessimistic and some (like you) are optimistic. It's impossible for him to change his character, and it's impossible for you to change yours too.

You need to decide whether you're willing to live your life propping him up and always trying to cheer him up.

It sounds far too exhausting and draining, no matter how much you love him :(

I keep thinking of 'Eyore' from Winnie the Poo, cos he is Eyore and you sound like a Tigger, always happy, bouncy and joyous.

You are so young, both of you who posted! Especially if you don't gave Children you have so many opportunities, travel, starting out in a career, this is the time to be selfish and think of what you want. If you have dreams and your BF is dragging you down or making you feel negative, its time to break or at the very least spend time apart to focus in your interests.

You're besotted with what exactly ?

His negativity?
His moods?
His lack of joy?
His unresponsiveness?

I'm confused what part of him you are besotted with because he sounds like hard work.

There's obviously a reason but if you cant work him out and he wont communicate then cut your losses and go and have fun x

If he is unhappy, why doesn't he just leave me instead of dragging this out?

Because he doesn't want to. Because he's waiting for something / someone else to go to? Because he knows you'll stay despite him being a miserable bastard because you came back before? Because he doesn't care about feeling negative all the time and doesn't give a shit about the impact on you?

Could be anything.

If YOU are as unhappy as you sound then why don't YOU leave him instead of dragging this out?

You say you're besotted. Really? He is a mood hoover who doesn't care about your relationship enough to either try harder or, if he can't get out of his negativity, seek help to tackle it for the sake of your relationship.

I'd wager you don't love who he is at the moment. And that is the real him. To the extent you've split before for the same reason.

Look up sunk cost fallacy. Does it ring true?

You are besotted with a persona you are making up in your head. The real person is not compatible with you. People don't change. Just leave him and find someone more suited to you.

Just dump the miserable bastard already. Life is too short!

Thank you all so very much for your input. It seems that we are all singing from the same hymn sheet. My biggest regret would be looking back on my life and feeling resentment that I had wasted my 20s with somebody miserable, mopey and who just didn't compliment my personality. Thank you all for helping me to see the clearer picture xx