Hi everyone, I'm new to mumsnet in that I haven't had an account, but iv always been lurking and find some great advice at times. Hoping for some help this time around! 
Iv been with the same partner for 9 years now. We have no kids but did have a miscarriage early into the relationship and havent been trying for kids either. Financially its not do-able right now and besides that there's other factors coming into it that make me think twice.
We fight occasionally but when we do he always says he doesn't think we are compatible and that were on different pages and shouldn't be together. He feels that he does more for me in the relationship and I dont put in the same effort. This has been going on for at least 5 years. At first it devastated me when he said this and I literally begged him to try work it out. I'm talking on my knees begging - I'm not proud of this and mortified even thinking back on it. I feel like an idiot for ever lowering myself to that level.
Nowadays when he says were not compatible I agree with him and tell him we should separate and he does a 360° and goes back to being lovey again within a day or so! This is only one problem in the relationship. Theres been Porn addiction, non existent sex life and aggressive outbursts. He hasnt actually hit me but hes got in my face at times and iv felt scared but not to the point he would hit me.
Most of you are probably wondering why I stay with him? I love him and In other ways hes very thoughtful and caring. Were not well off but we both work and he always splurging on me in thoughtful ways. Everybody has their flaws but what I really want to know is this emotionally abusive? I'm only giving one scenario here so it might be hard to judge it based on what I'm saying. The past two years iv been very depressed and on prescription medication I dont know if it's this relationship. Theres hardly any affection since his porn usage was discovered. I found literally a personal gallery of about 5,000 different body builder ass pictures he had saved from Instagram, porn sites etc. I lost it with him and I think I may have embarrassed him with my reaction too. Hes very off-ish when it comes to anything involving kissing. He hasnt kissed me passionately in so long I cant remember. It makes me wonder if theres something wrong with me but I'm very hygienic and reasonably attractive.
Really appreciate any advice, I'm a Human Being so please dont be too harsh on me.