Divorce must likely course, but how on earth will I manage

[HGranger]

I've posted about my hideous marriage before. I really think divorce is my only option, but how on earth will I manage!

I went back to work after my daughter part time, but this will nowhere near cover living on my own. I'm working on getting an extra day at work, but still it will be tight, even with any benefits I've worked out I might be entitled to.

Houses round here are super expensive to rent. We have a house to sell. Everything is such a horrid mess. I have no idea what to do, what to do first. I am a 30 old professional and I feel pathetic. I can't believe I'm in this mess. I have no idea how to proceed. Any help and advice would be appreciated.

Make s list OP. That will help unscramble your thoughts.

Then take control. Be realistic. Selling a house is a pain in the arse but totally do-able.

Can you rent somewhere else, in another location, that's cheaper ?

Make a list of what you need to get done. Imagine how you will feel when you come out the other side, which you will. It feels a mess now.....but its not impossible to deal with, many on here have done exactly what you're about to do. The over riding feedback is Yes it was hard, my god was it painful but they have never been happier.....

Good luck OP

Make lists, including a list of things you can sell to raise extra funds for unexpected costs once you’ve left.

How tight is tight? Are we talking massive change from your current lifestyle to actually liveable with careful budgeting, or £50 for all living costs including food after bills? Can you go back to full time, change jobs or would you be better off not working? I looked at it, weirdly I’d be better off financially not working if I left my dh due to childcare costs for my DTs until they turn 3. Have you worked out how much child support you’d get? (Although I appreciate that’s very often not paid 😬)

I haven’t read your other posts, so I’m sorry if the above questions are insensitive or offensive.

Thank you @mamato3lads. I just have no idea where to start or how I would make it work. Whish just adds to the feeling of being completely trapped.

@MuchTooTired thank you. No that's not offensive at all, just very helpful. I have looked at a couple of benefit calculators and would still be better off working I suppose. Due to the massive disparity in our wages my husband currently pays all the childcare.

I think I could manage. I think. But I just have no idea where to even begin.

When you first consider divorce it feels impossible but over time the solutions appear. You are young so lots of time to rebuild your financial base. Might not seem like it now but you can make progress in a few years.

How old is your daughter? Do you know equity in the house? Your h might pay spousal support for a few years if he is a high earner. Start the process and overtime it becomes less scary

2020 is going to be hard, but day by day and things will clear. Suggest using the organisation methods in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People to help you sort and organise.

2021 is going to be a good year for you and only 10 months away.

Honestly, the sooner you start with just a little something and push on step by step, while you are young, it will be so much better than staying and 30 years down the line, wasted so much of your life. Good luck.

Thank you for all the messages. Where do I even start to begin the process?

Think about 5 years from now.

If you couldn't stand to still be married, then you have to leave. So that's that decision made.

Practical stuff. Divorce, financial settlement, child custody arrangements.

And then start working out how much your monthly costs will be.

Can you stay in the house while the financial settlement gets sorted and house sale++?

At the practical level: gather together all the information you can about family finances. All your assets (doesn't matter whose name they are in), including equity in house, cars, savings, pensions, anything valuable. Also gather all debts including mortgage, loans, credit card balances, anything else.
Also have a good idea of your income and his income.

On the back of an envelope calculate what would be a 50% share of the equity, plus what maintenance would be paid to who (use CMS calculator as a start point).

Go and see a solicitor: some will do an initial free consultation but if you have a child then you have to accept your divorce is going cost you some money.

Does he know you want a divorce? How do you think he will react?