Wondering why can’t it be me

[countbackfromten]

I am in my mid thirties, a good career and fairly settled in many aspects of life and quite happy with my lot. But I have the worst track record when it comes to dating. Abusive, neglectful, distant, love bombing, ghosting - I have been through it all and more than once. I recently met someone I really saw potential for more with but his life is overseas and despite his earlier optimism about moving to the UK it seems he will now be in his home country for the foreseeable future.

I’m posting right now from a gorgeous place abroad where we decided to meet and spend some time together. It felt like a good idea at the time and we have had a blissful weekend. I honestly didn’t know what it was like to be with someone like him - my ex’s have definitely given me a screwed up view of relationships. He left earlier and we discussed how hard it might be but that if anything changes in the future we will talk. I know it won’t. Now I just feel sad and stupid and alone. I worry that won’t change. I’m pretty independent and don’t need to be in a relationship but I’m now ready to build something and yet I can’t seem to make anything stick.

I just wonder why it can’t be me that meets someone and falls in love. How on Earth do I keep ending up in the same sad story no matter what I do?

It’s tough OP. I think though, you have to take a positive from this situation - that is, you met someone you really liked and things ended due to circumstances beyond your control. Presumably you are on good terms with him and it never turned nasty. Also, you know how you can feel about someone great, so it means you won’t settle for less with anyone in future. I can identify with the situation and have learned to see it as a nice thing that happened, and one that means I won’t settle for anything in future that’s not worth my time.

Thank you @Alocasia - you don’t know how much I needed to hear that. We ended up sad but lovely terms, and you are right that it should be a positive experience. Just I stayed out here when he left and now wishing I was on my way back home. Need to pull my big girl pants on and make the most of my last time here.

It doesnt sound to me like you're doing anything wrong. And I think that staying after he left was an independent and fab thing to do. You're mid thirties not mid eighties and I think you'll meet someone for sure! You have already, it's just circumstances that have stopped it flourishing, not anything you did wrong.

Carry on as you are...you're independent, young and doing well for yourself. That's an attractive prospect for many men...you just haven't found the one yet. Patience

@mamato3lads I just got myself into a bit of a self pitying mess. It has felt a bit like my dating history is a self fulfilling prophecy as I keep ending up in absurd situations no matter what I try. I have moved rooms in the hotel so it is a fresh break for me and taking myself for dinner.

Thank you for your kind words - really does help

Aw you are welcome! I sometimes think about my similar situation, the chances are it wouldn’t have stayed ‘ideal’ forever, so best to just have the good memories. You will start to feel better about it in time. Sure, I’ve yet to find someone that I have the same spark with but that’s a good thing for now, I’m not wasting time dating the wrong people anymore.