Telling lesbian friend I have feelings for her...good idea or not?

[outmymind78]

I know this has kind of thread has been done hundreds of times before, but I feel like I'm going crazy from mixed messages, and want some outsiders opinions please.
I came out as gay 18 months, but have yet to have a relationship with a women as I needed time after leaving my previous relationship to come to terms with everything and help my children come to terms with the split.
I have known my friend (whom is also gay) for a year, but when we met, I made it clear that I only wanted friendship and wasn't ready to meet anyone for anything more. Fast forward a year, and I can't stop thinking about her, and it's driving me crazy. The last 4 months my feelings for her have changed dramatically and I'm coming to the point where I feel like I need to get some distance between us for a few months if I'm ever going to get these feelings out if my head.
There are a few things that she does that make me wonder if she feels the same, but the big thing for me is that she is often trying to push me to meet women, and asking me if I have met anyone yet etc, even though when I do go on dates, or mention other women to her, she tends to go very quiet and change the subject.
This is what is messing with my head I guess. My gut feeling tells me that she also has feelings for me, but I have never known someone who has feelings for someone else, to encourage them to meet other potential dates/partners, so kind of feel like I have my answer from those actions alone. I know I haven't put a lot of information down here, but I don't want to just drabble on I guess.
I just cant decide if it's worth the risk of making our friendship awkward by being honest and talking to her, or just taking some distance, in the hope that my feelings fade back to friendship again

I think you should tell her. Where's the harm? Good for you for coming out btw xx

I'd tell her, watching far too many films has told me that a lot of drama can be avoided by being completely honest

You'll not be able to have the friendship if she starts seeing anyone, you'll be upset. So what do you have to lose?

how about going on unofficial dates with her - out for dinner, drinks etc, and flirting a bit? That way you can see if she responds and something might organically happen without you having to have an awkward conversation.

also re the pushing you to go on dates, if she does like you it could be that she's just talking about that kind of thing with you because she likes the fact you like women too (i.e. you might be into her), rather than actually wanting you to meet someone else

Try the unofficial dating - but it still might not clarify things for you until you have the conversation.

I've had a couple of friends who have been open with me about their feelings - wanting to see if I would be open to a relationship (I am a gay woman, as are they). In both cases I tremendously valued their friendship, we got on like a house on fire - but I didn't want to go to bed with them. We had open conversations and with one I am still very good friends going on 10 years. The other is a work in progress and it is harder because we have tried being friends but she still sees something more when I don't. So we are leaving it now as it is too hurtful for her to maintain a frienship. I am hopeful in the future maybe we can but it will be on her terms. We did do things together, but from my persepective that was as friends, from hers, as I later found out, she was thinking there was something more. (Which is why I think the unofficial dating can sometimes not clarify things.)

For both I valued their honesty, and it certainly for me didn't change anything about how I felt for them as friends - if anything I felt more of them for having the courage to express themselves when I haven't had that courage myself in the past and let possible relationships drift away.

But for you it might change things - think yourself how will you deal with a knock-back if that's what happens? Are you able to manage that and in the future hear about their relationships?

But if your gut feeling is telling you something, and this other woman has been single for some time herself, maybe there is something in that?

And if she feels likewise, well then, jackpot time! Sometimes risks are worth taking. Work on your understanding of how you would manage if you were knocked back - this will serve you well regardless of which way it goes.

Thank you for the replies. We are already quite flirty in a jokey way with each other, and I know she finds me attractive as she often voices how nice looking she thinks I am, but that doesn't really mean anything other than her being friendly I don't think!
I think part of me would be gutted if she knocked me back, but I'm 90% expecting it if I'm honest. I suppose I'm thinking that at least then I would know, and could move on, as the uncertainty is driving me mad. I'm not great at dealing with stuff if I don't know where I stand unfortunately.
I'm already struggling with hearing her talk about other women. She has been single for 2 years now, but went on a date with someone last month, and I felt sick to the bottom of my stomach with jealousy, not something I am used to feeling. I think I'm worried that if I don't come clean, then just taking some space wont be enough to let my feelings fade, plus I don't want to risk hurting her by distancing myself and leave her wondering why
Guess I'm going to have to get brave and be honest!

I think you know that the friendship is already going to change regardless of what you do, so you may as well have it out with her. If she isn't into you, having told her and being rejected might provide more closure than the constant 'what if's' and endless limbo misery.

I have a friend like this who is bi, but she is married, so there is little to be gained from saying anything even though i really fancy her and think she's amazing. If she was single I would be elated and in there like a rat up a drainpipe. Seize the day!

Would love to hear an update on this one OP! Have you said anything yet? How did it go?

Just ask her out. If she says no then you can move on instead of being in this limbo.

Really interested to know if there are any developments OP, I'm bisexual and have feelings for a woman and am really not sure whether to do anything about it, she is absolutely amazing though and I don't want to have any regrets..