What is wrong with me?

[Mummy2one10]

Met someone a month ago and we have since been on a few dates and bump into each other during the day now and then. He's the first person I've really felt a strong connection to in a long time, and the first thats seemed genuinly lovely (all previous partners have been abusive).

Slept with him last weekend and had a great time, and since he's been asking regularly to meet up and messaging etc. But I've always been unable to meet as I've had no childcare for DD. Was arranging this so that we could hopefully meet this week.

Today he's messaged and said politely that he dosent think it will work as I'm never able to meet up, but that he's had a great time etc. Its going to sound completely pathetic but I'm so so gutted. Its only been a month and I feel all over the place at the thought of not seeing him again. I'm just so fed up of getting no where with anyone since I've had my DD.

I either seem to attract the wrong people or I can't keep anything going due to the lack of childcare. I miss out on everything. I have almost no friends left, an unsupportive family and feel like I'm never going to be able to find someone. What makes it worse is that everyone tells me I'll have no trouble finding a man as I'm 'very attractive', but at the end of the day it's not about this. No one will bother if I can't even attend dates.

Sorry I'm not sure what I'm getting at I'm just getting so down with it I don't know how much more I can take. I've been the happiest I've been in a long time since meeting him and think about him a lot (probably too much), now I'm back to square one. Again, I know it's probably pathetic I just really don't feel good right now.

After a month of knowing him, a date a week, meeting in town during the day, sleeping together last weekend, set to meet up again this week ... I don't see anything wrong with the level of contact there.

Exactly how much of your time was he expecting at this early stage?

The thing is that if someone doesn't have ties, they often resent having to suddenly change their lifestyle. Normally in this situation, if both were single, they'd see each other more often and they'd be able to be spontaneous about nights out, weekends away etc.

Perhaps it would be better to try to meet someone who's got children?

He sounds very needy. You’ve dodged a bullet.

You’ve done nothing wrong

I'm fairly young so the majority of my age group do not have children, making it hard to meet people who're as tied up as me.

We would see each other a few times a week during the day (at an institution we are both studying at) so it wasn't as though we could socialise much during this time, mainly on dates at the weekend. I was planning to get a babysitter for next weekend so it would have been 2 weeks since the last date, but I guess other people are a lot more flexible than this.

It's just upset me a lot, he said how we have a good connection etc and got on well, but he has no intention to even remain friends (despite the fact we will probably bump into each other again).

I think men find it easy to be quite detached and transactional about relationships.
They have a list ( that they may or may not be self aware of) of what they want. I don’t think emotions really come into play for them until much later,if at all.
I’m just old and cynical. Better luck next time

There's nothing wrong with you!

You just have extra responsibilities to consider, which he doesn't. He just wasn't right for your circumstances, that's all. Nothing wrong with either of you as people.

Sorry you're feeling down

I think that's the problem, they don't seem to get anywhere near as attached as I do. It's easy for them to cut you off and treat you as if you was nothing.

Not saying there's anything wrong with this as he was very polite about it, just horridble being on the other end :(

Just an idea, depends on the person really but could you trust him to come over to yours after dd is fast asleep, then leave after a time in order to respect your boundaries re introducing men to your dd. If there's a good connection I'm usually up for it daily in the early days, though of course everyone is different but maybe he thinks there's something wrong or misread things if you're ok with waiting two weeks.

How old is he? Does he have his own DC?
I think the level of contact you've been having so far is fine and seems normal, could you just reply and explain that you have really struggled to sort childcare this week in particular but you had sorted it for next week?
Does your DD Dad have her regularly?

He's 22, and nope DD father is no contact.

Well in the text he said its best to leave things because of the difficulty meeting up and because he's only temporarily in the UK (he goes back to France in June). But this confuses me as I was under the impression because of this maybe he was looking for something more relaxed, but then obviously not if the reason is because of my unavailability

I think I'd be even more hurt trying to push things after he's sent that in case he dosent reply. I'm probably best to leave it, I'm just upset, he probably does get the impression that I'm not very interested as it's always been him arranging the dates but I thought maybe we could work around it a bit better!