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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know what to do

4 replies

Littlemissbluebell · 23/02/2020 14:14

I've name changed for this.

Met dh at work and married a year later. We've been together a long time and have grown up children.

About 7yrs into our marriage dh stopped smoking, he seemed to substitute the cigarettes for alcohol. His drinking got way out of hand, drinking every night, 2 sometimes 3 bottles of wine. With this heavy drinking came angry outbursts, sometimes aimed at me.

It was at this point we discussed our future, (while sober) which prompted him to stop drinking. He has stopped several times over the years, but always goes back to it, only he replaced the wine for vodka.

He tries to hide his drinking, I've found empty bottles in the most unusual places. On an average evening he just drinks himself to sleep, but sometimes he gets verbally abusive. Not always aimed at me, it could be over something he disapproves of on tv. He manages to hold down his job, and for this reason refuses to seek help in any form.

When he's sober he's still the man I fell in love with and married, but more often than not he's under the influence of alcohol.
I'm unhappy but continue to wish for a happy ending. I don't know what to do or how to make things better.

OP posts:
countbackfromten · 23/02/2020 16:43

What do you see as your happy ending OP? It sounds like a terrible situation to be stuck in and one that must be incredibly hard for you

TinyTimsCrutch · 23/02/2020 16:51

Does he drive? If so he must be permanently over the limit Confused

partofthepeanutgallery · 23/02/2020 17:10

I was wondering if he drives as well ... you could lose everything if he kills someone while you're married.

He's obviously an alcoholic. You have to decide whether or not to stay.

Littlemissbluebell · 23/02/2020 18:24

Yes he drives for his job. I've had words with him about this, but it makes no difference.
countback I suppose our happy ever after would be for him to stop drinking, and stay stopped for good.

OP posts:
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