I can't stop talking in a baby voice to my partner - why do I do it?

[Daffodil08]

Hello lovely Mumsnetter's

Please bear with me, and I hope somehow you can make sense of the big emotional word dump that is about to take place!

I have a lot of issues which I fully admit and am seeking help with. I have depression and borderline personality disorder. I am on antidepressants, and am awaiting a specialist appointment with a psychiatrist which is about 3 weeks away.

I have a lot of childhood trauma, and as an adult I have been sexually assaulted, cheated on, and just not had a great time with relationships!

All these things have obviously taken their toll on my mental health, and I have been suffering with low mood, and the symptoms of BPD for quite some time now.

I have been with my girlfriend for over a year (same sex relationship). I can't remember when it started, but for some reason I have become very child like in manner and talking in a babyish voice for the majority of our interactions. Sometimes, I just can't seem to stop it or control it, she asks me to talk like an adult and it is like it is physically impossible for me to do so!

I think it is probably a coping mechanism for me for when I am feeling so low, because I guess I want to be taken care of, and to make up for the love and security and affection that I never had as a child and which I still am grieving for until this day. (BTW I am 28 years old).

My partner basically said it is killing her attraction to me. She wants to be in a relationship with an adult, not a 5 year old. Which I completely understand. But it is like I can't stop. It is like I can't be an adult. I want to be babyish because I want her to take care of me, and to love me and to not leave or abandon me. Maybe there is a subconscious part of me doing it so she feels more inclined to look after me?

I find it really hard to talk about personal and intimate subjects with her, and I find if I have to talk about something difficult I go into baby voice. She says the only time I talk as an adult is when I am angry with her, or when we are in company of friends.

I do talk like an adult when I am feeling good and confident, but I have been feeling so low for such a long time that it has just become this odd kind of habit which helps me cope with stress?

She has said that I need to stop doing it point blank because she is going to lose attraction to me which she doesn't want to happen.

I want to talk like an adult, I don't understand why I find it so difficult.

Has anyone had a similar issue?

Are you saying you are hearing yourself talk in a baby voice and can't physically stop doing it when you notice?

Is it an emotional flashback? Google cptsd, Pete walker has some good information.

I think you need professional help. Nobody on this forum can unravel something that is clearly that deep rooted and born from a complex series of childhood and adulthood trauma.

Ask your partner to 'bare with you' whilst you get some therapy and see if you can get to the bottom of it. In the meantime - look online for some CBD exercises that you can practice that might help you 'stop in your tracks' when you are able to talk.

It does sound like a coping mechanism because of all the trauma. Have you discussed this with your counsellor?
How are you manage to control this around other people? Is there some sort of trigger that makes you do this?

I'm a therapist. Its because you're healing, actually, and it's a stage. Because you are now in a safe and potentially healthy relationship, you are revisiting the developmental stages you missed out on. Think of the angry teenager who starts playing with the trainset in therapy. They won't do that forever 😊.