How do I get over this irrational jealousy?

[JKitten]

I have a friend who lives in Australia. We met when he was visiting the UK a few years ago. I was married at the time and have 2 kids so it wasnt ever anything romantic etc. But we are incredibly close in terms of telling each other things, being there for each other over the phone etc despite the distance. If our situation was different and we lived in the same country when we met, then maybe we would have been in a relationship. I do see him as one of my best friends. He's told me that he loves me (as a friend). We have a very special bond. I know we are never going to be together so I dont sit round pining for him and I'm in a new relationship now. I'm very happy in my relationship. If my friend moved to the UK tomorrow, I wouldn't just break up with my partner to try and be with him. It's not like that. In the time we've known each other he's always been single. When we met I was married and now in a new relationship and hes fine with that and always been supportive. We've never crossed the line of being anything other than friends.
But now he's seeing someone and I'm absolutely crushed. I'm being such an awful, jealous friend but I really am devestated. I know it's ridiculous! I'm being so selfish. He deserves to be happy. Obviously i've told him I'm happy for him etc. I think he was worried about how I would react because he made a point of saying it didn't change things between us. But I know that it does and I think that's what I'm upset about. I always felt special to him. I was someone he called first when he had good news, or he would turn to me when he was feeling a bit down. I feel now I'm falling down the ranking and he has someone else (rightly so) taking my place. It breaks my heart seeing photos of them on social media. She is beautiful, slim, tanned, Australian beach girl so that also doesn't help!
How do I get over this???
I think maybe I need to start to distance myself from him a bit or something. I feel like he's hurt me and ruined what we had which is crazy because its all me. If I was a decent friend I would just be happy for him and things would go on as they were. I know it's me that's ruining it- with jealously. I know I'm being a complete bitch but I can't help it.

Anyone have any advice? I think I might tell him later how I've been feeling and that I need to put some distance between us. But I don't want him to feel bad about it in any way cos he's done nothing wrong... If I don't tell him and just start being distant with him, he'll want to know what's wrong...

I think, in your place, I would start slowly pulling away, for both of your sakes. You're not happy for him and it's upsetting you and life is too short. I'd start spacing out the messages more and more and I reckon the friendship will eventually fizzle out over time anyway. Throw yourself into your new relationship and concentrate on your own happiness. Maybe unfollow his stuff on social media too? Still be 'friends' with him but you can unfollow so his stuff won't show up in your feed.

Good luck x

You need to pull back. I suspect he will anyway as he had obviously had you as a stand in girlfriend (otherwise why comment that it won't change anything?) and if this relationship goes well she will replace you.

Do you think you liked the security of knowing you were his number one?

It is good you are self aware. I think all is not lost and you're not a bar friend or person because you are only being honest with yourself about how you feel and exploring why.

You don't need to do anything rash because you might feel differently in time. Give him an excuse - I have a lot of stuff I need to focus on at home so I won't be available for chats for a bit but I'll be back.

Also so what if she is tanned and beachy? She lives in Australia! It's a sunny climate
She has the same insecurities as you and I. When things settle down you might get to know her and find yourself a new friend.

Please DO NOT tell him, this is unfair on him whilst he is in a new relationship. I agree with @GagaBinks, you just need to start pulling away and work on this yourself.

Thanks all! Ok... telling him = bad idea! I think i'll just start pulling back and say I've been busy etc. I don't want him to feel guilty or anything by telling him how I feel. I know I will get over it eventually and we'll probably still be friends but it makes me sad it won't be like it was.
Good tip about the unfollowing- I will do that (I know I will end up snooping at some point- but at least it will be my choice and not there in my face when I look through my feed!)

@JKitten Good call and I'm glad you've taken it on board. It is sad when the dynamic of a friendship changes.

Sounds to me like you're a little bit in love with this guy, if it "breaks your heart" to see pictures of him with his new girlfriend...
Definitely distance x

Do you want to tell him in the hope that he bins her rather than loose you?

You know it’s not right, so yes, pull back if you can’t cope.