Everything I have read (admittedly quite limited thus far) talks about an abuser and an abused. About the fact that one half of the relationship has had an abusive childhood and then linking love with abuse. Can it be both? I feel like it's both. I felt abused for years within the relationship and now I feel I am also being (emotionally) abusive. As I am writing I think it seems obvious that you both can but why can I not find anything on it? If anyone has experiences they would like to share I would really appreciate it. I don't need any advice as I already know my relationship isn't normal. I want to understand better so we can try to heal, whether that is separately or together. I don't believe together is an option but we are absolutely crazy about each other (long term relationship with long term fights) and it is just unhealthy. I want to help us both move forward and understand why we have been the way we have been. Private counselling is not an option due to lack of money.