Feeling confused and like crap - issues from 2 years ago not resolved

[Whattodonext2020]

Bare with me as I’m tired and have had a shitty couple of days.
In the past two years my DH has:

1. Said I could have sex with my then PT (his fantasy which he knows I would never fulfil and which also I find upsetting) this was during an innocuous conversation about my PT where I said I thought my PT thought he could have any woman he wanted (was not saying it to bait DH or anything else)
2. Looked at Swingers sites (gut feeling so checked his iPad and was in the history - logout page showing)

Previously he’d told me that he’d looked at those sites just out of curiosity and I hadn’t taken it seriously as things were ok with us at the time and I wasn’t feeling so emotionally fragile. Things went back to normal after a while and have been ok, however, I have been feeling really quite low since Christmas and all these feelings of distrust and anger have come back and I can’t shake them off. I have lots of friends but I just can’t talk to them about this. I’m considering Relate as I just don’t know where to go with my feelings anymore. I think he was being honest with me (looking at the sites out of curiosity) and I haven’t got anything else to go on but I’m just feeling so unhappy and hurt by him all over again. I’m an hour ahead of the UK and sat downstairs in the dark feeling really sad while he is snoring upstairs. Can I have some advice please, but be gentle...thank you!

I'm not surprised you're hurt and upset. It sounds like your DH wants an open relationship but hasn't properly discussed this with you and it's not something you want.
Have you told him how you feel about it?
The swingers sites is dodgy because he's gone behind your back there.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I don't have advice but counselling sounds good.
FWIW I love my partner a lot and we have a great sex life but I do sometimes fantasise about multiple partners.
I would never act on it though or even go on a swingers site because I know it would devastate my partner.

I also think the bigger issue is that you're feeling fragile and down. So it seems like the emotional intimacy and reassurance is lacking in your relationship right now and that's what you two should focus on.

@Spritesobright Might your partner be up for doing it with you? Or would he definitely just be hurt by you saying you liked the idea?

@Whattodonext2020 I had a lover who was very sexually motivated and made a lot f sexual comments/suggestions, it actually grossed me out and made me very uncomfortable. He'd say a lot of stuff like that. Is your DH sexually pushy in other ways?

You say you're feeling low- could you be a bit depressed? (Not that there's anything wrong in feeling how you do about his comments- just that maybe a low mood could be something you could address to feel better in general?)

@nomoredickheads nope, he definitely wouldn't. I can't even mention previous lovers without upsetting him.