Lonely in marriage

[Doggydoodah]

I'm new to this forum so hopefully I'm posting on the right page? To keep it brief iv been married for 33 years , kids left home, and my marriage is empty of affection in all areas. Tried discussing with husband but he is beyond defensive , always my fault never his. The frustration it's caused

me is beyond and I just feel empty, lonely and totally invisible. We were so happy at the start of our marriage for about 20 years then he started to drink and bit by bit it's destroyed our relationship. I would love to hear if anyone else is in same position and advice on how to move my life forward and be happy again .

I could be writing this myself. I feel this with you. 28years together, big age gap which is now taking its toll. Which didn't bother me at the start, now it does and he can't seem to understand that. I have ummed and ahhhed for quite a few years now and so many things keep me with him and so many things makes me feel running for the hills.
Its so hard and fully aware that life is not a bed of roses all the time, but surely it has to be better than this. With no affection, no sex and everything he does winds me up. I guess really we have to stay strong try to be happy with what we have or just give up. For the time being I'm just keep trying. Paint a smile on my face and keeps friends around me to talk to and to vent to.

Lifeisabore I find it very hard , the continual trying, and disappointment. Of his ignorance towards the situation. I complained is snoring was keeping me away, so because of that he moved out of our bed and that was 5 months ago!!! Iv got to the point now where I actually wouldn’t feel ‘right’ with him lying next to me, the divide between us is so big now. It just makes me so sad I reminisce about how we used to be all the time, but to no avail. I just can’t settle and accept this is going to be my life, I have to change it. But how? I don’t know where to start ?

If you don’t want to leave then I would just see this as your new norm. Assume both of you are in your 50’s?

You need to make a new life and find some things to do that will give you the missing.

I don’t think either of your husbands will change and could actually get worse.

The alternative of course is to leave. What is stopping you?

Ceelobrown I am in my fifties, and to be honest it’s a very scary thought to leave after so king together, and start a fresh in my own. I think what is stopping me is the financial implications. I look after my grandaughter allowing my daughter to work and I work part time, he pays alll bills/mortgage , I just couldn’t manage, very sad but true . Looking back I most probably should of done something years ago to set myself up financially. Being together since teenager years is a ling time, he’s a massive part of my life. Yes, very very hard decision.

It is, I agree. Sometimes leaving isn’t an option for whatever reason. In that case you need to find some things to keep you motivated and have an interesting life. I assume you get lots of hugs etc from your granddaughter so at least that’s something.

He does sound annoying to be around though. I would at least start taking up lots of hobbies to spend as little time as possible with him if you do decide to stay.

If alcohol has helped to cause the problem maybe phone aa and ask for their advice? They're very supportive of families of alcoholics and they have plenty of experience helping people in difficult situations.

Thankyou all for your advice, most helpful knowing I’m not alone with this situation.
I do plan to make a life for myself, Iv got good friends and off load to them which helps. Never in a million years did I think I’d be in this position in my marriage. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!!!