Newlyweds/Dry ‘spell’... help!

[sunfloweryy]

I’ve been married to my DH less than a year and our sex life has completely dried up. He never iniates sex and when I do I get rejected 50% of the time, and if he does (rare) want to he mostly doesn’t stay hard for very long. I’ve tried not to make a big deal out of it but it’s starting to make me feel a bit shit and unattractive.

I’ve tried talking to him about it a few times and it usually ends in us having sex but nothing changes long term until I bring it up again. He says it’s not me, he loves me, all the normal stuff, doesn’t need a doctor etc.

I’m at a loss now. Being open and honest seems to have got me nowhere and it’s starting to drive a bit of a wedge between us. He’s my best friend so that’s the last thing that I want.

Would love some advice if anyone has been through similar?

Is it possible he is depressed?

Low mood?

Stress at work?

What was he like pre marriage? How long were you together before marriage?

@Surfer25 I’ve considered that and we talk a lot about work stresses etc, I don’t think he’s depressed. You could say maybe he lacks enthusiasm in much outside of the gym though which worries me.

@Trianglebingobongo we were together 4 years beforehand. I’d say we’ve always had a normal sex life - not constantly as work/life gets in the way but enough.

What ages are you ?
Could he be taking something which as a side effect , effect his libido?

Is he worried about pregnancy?

If he's going to the gym all the time could it be steroids? Whatever it is, you need to have a serious talk with him and not allow him to fob you off with platitudes.

Does he buy used cars and is his name Philip?

Go to a counsellor.

Well there's no good reason for this.

I would be guessing steroids, another woman or possibly weight gain?

It does sound like it's something at the gym that's diverting his attention.

On the other hand if he's always at the gym he should be pretty fit and this usually stimulates sex drive.

You do need to sit him down and make clear that this must be resolved and it is very important to your future together. Years ago, when our DC were young and sex was in danger of being pushed off the agenda my DW and I agreed that we should try not to go longer than a week without. And we've pretty much kept to that, we are in our 60s now and still DTD at least once a week. Its very important in keeping our relationship strong.

Porn addiction? Another woman? Steroids?

is he weightlifting at the gym/following a diet and had a change in body shape because if so steroids

My guess would be steroids too.

You need to be honest. Say it's making you feel rejected, unhappy and something needs to change.

My 1st guess was steroids

@PotatoeHead no he’s not Philip

I have considered steroids/gym supplements as a possibility tbh but I don’t know how the hell he would hide it from me

But he isnt hiding it from you very well is he if you are noticing

Has he changed in terms of the way he looks

Could just be using them whilst at the gym.
Have you noticed his mood changing?

I knew a lady whose son had stared going ti the gym, he'd doubled in Size but she assured me it all natural 🙄

(Everyone else at that gym was using)

You could say maybe he lacks enthusiasm in much outside of the gym though which worries me.

He could be using something.

Similar happened to my husband once married
He piled on the weight, can only guess that was a big factor
And he struggled to get hard as he started smoking loads too.