Forever Alone

[StarCrossed9]

I was desperate for a baby for about 6 years. My partner at the time never really wanted children but I stayed and eventually I got pregnant unexpectedly. Whilst we were both happy about the pregnancy, it took a while for my son’s dad to step up and by that time the damage was done to our relationship. We split when our son was one. We have joint custody and whilst my ex-partner is a great dad now, I grieve so much for the time I miss when my son is with him. And I’m terrified I will never have another child (I’m 32) and get to be the mum I dreamt I’d be.

Since we split, I have been crippled by loneliness. Whilst I am currently seeing someone I am not sure where this is going. And I’m terrified I will end up alone for a very long time, possibly forever, because I don’t feel any man will want to take on me and my small son. I am currently suffering from depression, which is affecting my job and I truly feel I have ruined my life by ending my relationship with my son’s father, even though I didn’t (and don’t) love him anymore.

You have not ruined your life. Someone 'took on' me and my 3 children, and that was with my ex rarely and inconsistently looking after our children. Do you want to find out where things are going with the man you're seeing or do you think it's not going anywhere and that's why you are worrying?

Have you seen a counsellor for your depression? It sounds like you would benefit from speaking to someone x

Forgot to add, we also went on to have a child of our own. 32 is young

Seems like you are worrying about an awful lot of what ifs. You have a lovely son already and are dating... theres plenty of time to have more kids one day if you want them but really you need to get your depression under control first anyway so its probably a good thing you arent in a position to have more rn anyway. Getting a partner and popping out sprigs shouldn't be the be all and end all anyway. Do you have other dreams, goals and ambitions? Hobbies? Friends? Maybe focus on these things instead for now. Or developing/gaining some.