What made you end your sessions with your counsellor?

[Nandistoe]

Just that really, I have been seeing someone for 18 months and credit counselling with helping me end my EA marriage.

A couple of things have been said recently where I have thought WTF.

I think things might have run their course with this particular counsellor. It’s my first experience of counselling so I am not sure how normal this is. It felt right for me for a long time but the first time something was suggested that really wasn’t me it made me wonder who they were, I saw that they would probably respond to the situation in that way, which I would never do.

Second time I was just 😳 at their suggestion, I have got past 50 without ever considering it.

Hard to say I know without facts. I have mentioned it to my parents who both thought WTF (in a polite M&D way).

Both very personal, both made me doubt myself a little bit which isn’t really what I need when trying to rebuild my life after my marriage.

OP, those comments really are not appropriate. At best (at BEST), your counsellor is projecting and not listening enough. The therapeutic relationship should not be about overriding your boundaries, especially when you're in a situation where you really need to listen to and defend them. Therapy should challenge you and push you beyond what you assume is possible. But not like that.

18 months really isn't excessive if you need someone to support you through a huge change with long-term ramifications. Of course, that only works if (a) you can afford it and (b) your counsellor is actually accompanying you, not some abstract idea of you.

Thanks LaBerbera. I reflected on the first one post session and decided it might be who they were, not who I was.

The second one I actually thought what the *k when it was said. This person knows exactly how XH affected me. But I was very British about it and didn’t say what the heck are you on about!

I have decided to call it quits, I am prepared to say why I want to quit if necessary. I don’t feel that I need to have that conversation unless I choose to though. My money, my choice, I don’t feel that I need to dissect it.

Very long time experienced BACP for those who asked.

A counsellor suggesting to an abused woman that not allowing the abuser in her home makes her potentially autistic...they need to go. Suggesting casual sex without you bringing it up at all also demonstrates very questionable boundaries and judgement.

Counsellors are like any profession. Some are good, most are average and some are barking mad. I'm afraid yours is verging towards the latter.

It is known that some people enter this and related professions in the process of resolving their own issues - so projection could well be in play here.

I agree both comments are not good. You sound very together, OP and owning your decision. I am sure that will help with the departure.

Totally agree that 18 months is not long. It is not reasonable to judge . I hat matters is what you got out of it and sounds like you achieved a lot!

I'm a therapist, mostly in the NHS with a small private practice and I think 18 months is a long time for a block of therapy; I rarely see people more than 6 months and I work with really severe complex MH problems.

Any therapy should involve regular reviews to check progress towards goals and where to focus next if work is continuing, I don't think it should just drift endlessly.

I know others would disagree, but I think giving clients the tools to 'be there own therapist' is better for them than fostering dependency which is what I think can happen if not careful.

*Their own therapist.

Can't believe some of the things these counsellors have come out with! Just say you're ready to end, you don't need to give chapter and verse.

Those are some very perturbing comments on their own and without knowing the context of your relationship with the counsellor. As you clearly know (having lived with someone with an ASD) one cannot be ‘a bit’ autistic, although it’s a spectrum and everyone is an individual. The ‘putting yourself out there’ does sound like projection. If the relationship was otherwise helpful therapeutically, I’d encourage you to challenge the counsellor about those things. If your sense is they won’t ‘take’ it, or that they’ll be defensive, best to finish. It’s a relationship. In terms of duration, it can vary hugely but should be reviewed. I’m neither a devotee of going on forever with one person or of brief therapy (both have a place).

I think a good therapist would be encouraging you to review and potentially stop going to them as they would want to discourage dependency. It sounds like you know you're done with them and that a change would be good for you. Their comments sound pretty off.

The autism and having fun with men comments are both totally out of order and I would have no respect for the counsellor who made them.

I ended with a counsellor who I had done some excellent trauma work with over long term because I brought up problems with binge eating and she gave me stupid diet advice, I know how to diet it is the emotional part of it that is the problem. I had a break for a couple of months and when I went back she had bought me a diet book and talked about her own water fasting.

@Nandistoe wow, what a charming therapist! A little bit autistic? Is that anything like having a little bit of Parkinson's or a little bit of cancer?!

I am currently with a counsellor who I love and who has supported me through deciding whether to and then going through with leaving my emotionally abusive stbxh. Before her, however, I 'broke up' with a counsellor after 3 sessions because it was clear to me that she had no idea of the dynamics of abusive relationships. She specialised in Family Systems Theory and kept trying to push joint counselling. Last straw was when she said earnestly 'I'd like to hear Mr Everything's perspective'. I thought "Frankly, I don't give a shit about his perspective right now. He is making my life a misery", and I sent her a Dear Jane email.

Can you bring it up at your next session?

@ChuckleBuckles can I ask what book
You got?

1st therapist (grief counsellor) - stopped after two sessions because she was a useless fuckwit. I should have walked out 5 minutes into the second session in retrospect.

2nd therapist (psychologist) - saw her for 12-14 sessions over a period of probably around 9 months. She was great. I probably didn’t really need the last 2/3/4 sessions. But I actually enjoyed going to her and having a whole hour when I didn’t have the stress of thinking about or dealing with other people. Sadly, I realised I didn’t her help anymore and it was too expensive to continue to indulge myself without an actual need.

@SingleSidedShoulderShrug I got "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook" by Matthew McKay.

I found it really useful, it has exercises for self calming and emotional regulation when facing stress. Lots of practical helpful stuff. I still have it on epub if you want to dm me.