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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Sexual texts found

17 replies

Tobbay · 21/02/2020 17:22

Has anyone ever found sex messages from their partner to another woman but then stayed with them and gone on to trust again?

Even with the sexual texts embedded in their brain forever....
To add, we were in a relationship when I found them and had been going on months..

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 21/02/2020 17:30

Are you still together?
I would dump anyone who cheated on me like this

Bluntness100 · 21/02/2020 17:31

What sort of sexual texts, who is she? I’d assume they are sleeping together if it’s progressed to sexting.

everybodyshowlove2020 · 21/02/2020 17:41

Stayed and he continued and there was physical cheating further down the line.

It won't and doesn't work purely because he has lost respect for you and the trust is gone.

Plus you will never know the whole truth

Original poster

Tobbay · 21/02/2020 17:51

Was his ex who he had previously cheated on me with and messaged before

OP posts:

mamato3lads · 21/02/2020 18:15

Come on....you know the answer here.

Hes cheated and he will do it again.

So you either turn a blind eye or leave the bastard

rebeccasucroce · 21/02/2020 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluntness100 · 21/02/2020 18:22

So he’s cheating with her again?

And you’re considering staying, again?

Why? Why are you taking it? Can you define partner? Are you married, live together, how long have you been together?

category12 · 21/02/2020 18:25

Life's too short for that shit.

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 21/02/2020 18:30

Why would you want to?

Presumably you told him last time that if it happened again you'd be breaking up.

He wanted to do it again more than he wanted to stay with you and be faithful and kind to you.

He's not worth the effort it would take to even try to get over this. And you wouldn't get over it because why should you?

Sometimes love isn't enough and you can't love them so hard it makes up for them not loving you enough.

Sorry OP. Imagine being with someone who makes you feel safe and secure and happy. That ain't him.

Avocado2020 · 21/02/2020 18:38

I'm on the fence with this one.
My partner also sent sexual texts and joined dating sites, broke my heart (he's never actually cheated) I love him and he's assured me he'd never do it again, yet I'm struggling with the trust and finding everyone judging me isn't helping.

I'd say follow your heart, but stay aware.

avocadont · 21/02/2020 18:38

Nope, bin

Original poster

Tobbay · 21/02/2020 18:41

@avocado2020 it is hard when people judge... I know what's the right thing to do is of course but why is it so hard??

OP posts:

Avocado2020 · 21/02/2020 18:46

I also knew the right thing to do, my partner has the same girl that keeps popping up, just as a friend but she only seems to ask about me? I am not particularly a fan of hers, and since the last time they messaged (all innocent) he has told her he's not losing me over their friendship and he doesn't wish to speak with her anymore.

I was ready to leave him but found out I was expecting our first baby. I still doubt him and don't know if I ever will, but I love him a lot and have spent the last 6 years with him... I know how hard this is and I hope your okay x

littlebirdieblue · 21/02/2020 18:47

Walk away, I stayed with my ex for over a year after I found out the first time, and he still continued to donor. I'm kept forgiving him but he never stopped. It's soul destroying and will eat away at your self esteem. A friend once said to me that trust is like a glass, once broken you can glue it back together but it will never be the same. It's true the lies will always be there and the trust can't be rebuilt.

PositiveVibez · 21/02/2020 18:47

I know what's the right thing to do is of course but why is it so hard??

Because the cheating arsehole has managed to shit on your self-esteem until you can't possibly go on without him. Other women want him, bit you want to keep him, cos fuck me, what a catch he is.

Pick your self-esteem up off the floor and fuck the wanker off.

He's nothing special. He's actually a twat. Cheated on you twice and got you desperately wanting to stay with him.

Amazing.

everybodyshowlove2020 · 21/02/2020 20:28

People judge because they don't want to see you hurt and they don't know how to help.

I mean what would you do if your friend was in this situation? What would you say, it's hard to keep being supportive while they go back in to this hurtful relationship.

I understand this because I know see what my family and friends had to deal with.
You don't want to be judge especially as it wasn't you how broke the trust.
So not only do you have to deal with what they did, you also have to deal with looking a fool?

AnyFucker · 21/02/2020 20:31

Why would you want to do that though ?

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