Thoughts on marriage/civil partnership when you get together in later life

[Mystraightenersarebroken]

I've been with DP five years, we live together but, have separate finances. Our assets are similar in value, as are our salaries. Both in our 50's, been married before and have adult / almost adult children we plan to leave the bulk of our respective estates to.

We have wills, life assurance and pension beneficiaries sorted.

I'm in two minds about whether I would like us to be married. On the one hand I don't need to be married and I don't think there's much (anything?) to be gained legally/financially in our circumstances.

On the other, it seems somehow 'neater' to be married / civil partners and it would be nice to have our own 'special day' (our relationship is a gazillion times better than anything I've had before).

What are your experiences or thoughts?

The legals are easily sorted either way.

If you'd both like to get married, have your special day and then enjoy the longer term commitment of knowing you're married, then you should do - only get one life!

The biggest money problem if you are not married is the loss of the IHT exemption on transfer or assets to spouse. Worst case scenario, the house has to be sold to pay IHT.

Maybe take some legal advise - there will be advantages and disadvantages with both set ups.

But where assets are broadly similar it makes more sense than when there is a big difference

Thanks everyone.

I guess it boils down to the emotional side of things. I know it's not a deal breaker for me, just something I'm wondering about.

I don't think IHT is a problem currently as we don't intend to leave much if anything to each other. House is joint tenants with each of us leaving our half in trust to our children with the other having the right to live there for 5 years. Will probably make this lifetime when we're older.

Does it have to be a legal marriage for you to experience the emotional benefits, or would a religious or some kind of humanist ceremony that isn't legally binding suffice?

Just remember that if you do marry then you need to rewrite your wills as the old ones are automatically voided. Even if you want to write them exactly the same.

No need for marriage unless you just want a bug party imo. Like you I'm also older and living with my DP - we have separate homes and finances, our wills leave what we have to our respective kids. Legally it makes no difference to us and as you are already joint tenants in your home it's a matter of making clear Wills leaving what you want to whom you want. Best of luck.

As long as you have made all the legal requirements are in place to protect each other then not being married is completely fine. It's the cohabiting partners who believe they have the rights of a spouse upon the other's death that can be left devastated. I have a friend (in her late forties) who was days away from her wedding when her partner died suddenly. She had lived with him for many years but had moved into a house that was in his name alone. She had contributed equally for almost twenty years. I don't know the legal ins and outs but she had her whole life ripped from under her when he died. His adult children would not let her take part in planning the funeral (or attend the scattering of his ashes) and later evicted her from what had been her home for many years. They had got on well when he was alive but the moment an inheritance was involved it became very nasty.