I really need to end the marriage, but can't seem to make it work financially or practically. How do people do it?

[BreathlessCommotion]

I know I want to end it, we've tried counselling etc. But I want to do it amicably and considering the dc (7 and 10). Added into the equation is the dc 7 has ASD.

I currently work part-time, mostly in order for us to ma age childcare. Dd cannot manage much in the way of childcare, after school care, clubs etc. We have tried. And quite a few won't have her.

She and ds go to a childminder after school 2 days a week, which she just about manages. CM has no other space. I'm off two days a week, DH wfh 2 days and I start late one day to allow me to take her to school. We have no family near by.

If I increased my hours/moved jobs (a few available at the moment) I could afford to buy DH out of mortgage and stay in the house. This would be great for kids. But then I wouldn't be able to cover all the childcare.

If I stay part time I could just about cover a rental somewhere, but it would be very tight, and again I still couldn't cover all the childcare.

I feel depressed by having to stay because I can't work this out. I was so ready to tell him.

Thanks @cece. I know I do need to pull the plaster off. I keep skirting round whether I'm absolutely sure. But deep down I know I am. I just don't want to upset the dc. A friend asked me if money was no object, what would I do. And that's easy. I would leave straight away.

He's going to be heartbroken at first, and I'm worried he won't be able to keep it in around the dc. And then I think he might get nasty and spiteful.

Mine has been difficult. He's had a mini breakdown, cried a lot and is no refusing to cooperate with divorce but it's still better than being with him.

You are married and that affords you a lot of financial support. Get some legal advice as soon as you can. I think it might open your eyes as to what's fair and what the court will want to see in terms of an arrangement. Nothing we conjure up in our heads or informally agree, or are told, or threatened, none of it is usually objectively fair and that's what a divorce court financial settlement will be looking for. When you've settled for naff all its eye opening to get such advice. Get. A. Solicitor.

Yes I saw a couple of solicitors for a free half hour which I found reassuring that I wouldn't be homeless or penniless.

He knows something is wrong. I feel like the worst person in the world for tearing my DC life apart and hurting him. Despite what he has said/done to me in the past.

Oh OP you’re not the worst person in the world.

All we can do is make the best choices we can. Life isn’t perfect.

I took an interest free loan from my work which paid deposit on a rental and the first 1.5 months rent and then scrimped and saved and borrowed and applied for all the benefits I could and made it work. Just about. Well we’re still here years later with a roof over our head. Paid off the loan directly from my salary. Luckily my dc were able to do extra hours at their after school childcare but I’m sure there is a way you can make it work even with all the practical challenges. Good luck