Cliques at work

[findthelight]

I am struggling with a work clique and I have taken this completely to heart. I have recently found out that the clique have been meeting up after work on a Thursday and have never asked me. I found out my chance when it was being discussed. I have completely taken this to heart and am abnormally upset about this. It has really dented my self esteem. I had a previous fallout with one of the clique as she accused me of failing to do something. I had but had put it in the wrong file. I apologised as soon as I realised. It was a stupid but innocent mistake and yes I did fight my corner to tell her it was completed. I didn't ever have a personal go at her. She however didn't speak to me for a year after and would purposely turn away. She also spread (untruths) to other work colleagues about this. Is there any advice anyone can help me with. I feel so low about this and don't know what to do for the best.

Absolutely Toxic work environment. If that was me, I would find. Way out and try to leave.
This will play on your mind daily and will not be good for your MH.
Gosh I despise how people behave towards others at times. It’s like being back in a school playground.

Yeah, I just left a job because of this, and having some health problems. I just couldnt be arsed with it. All nice as pie and friendly at the beginning and then starting to exclude me from stuff, giving me the cold shoulder and little whispered conversations.

I agree, look for another job. This has gone in for so long it's unlikely to ever stop.

She sounds like a bully OP. Your other colleagues probably don’t confront her and keep her sweet so that she won’t do it to them. I just left my job. A department of about 15 people with one toxic poisonous member of staff. Everyone else was lovely but listening to the bully every day made me feel ill. She just sat spouting nastiness all day every day. Very very occasionally someone would confront her but this always led to months of bad atmosphere. When I handed my notice in she was vile, nasty, abusive. I told the others not to confront her, just leave her to it. It wasn’t worth the hassle to them to confront her.
I’m out now and feel so much better. Look for another job. She won’t change. Your colleagues won’t change how they manage her behaviour either. I don’t blame them, they’re protecting themselves.
I dealt with the bully on a day to day basis by being pleasant, refusing to acknowledge nasty comments and comforting myself with the knowledge that only a deeply unhappy person gets their kicks out of hurting other people.

OP this is workplace bullying. Not talking to you is bullying. Leaving you out of work socials, if everyone else bar you is invited, is bullying.

You're feeling bad because you're being bullied. Your management is responsible for ensuring bullying doesn't happen. Check your handbook or guide on their bullying protocol ie what to do in the event of bullying and follow it.

Contact your union if you're in one. Call ACAS for advice, start taking note of the incidents and add evidence and witnesses. Look at staff grievance procedures. Get support and advice from your Employment Support Programme if there is one.

In the meantime, start looking for another job because it's detrimental to your mental health to be bullied at work.

Oh wow. She’s a bully. Vile. I was the victim of one of those. It’s one reason I refuse to work anywhere with groups of women anymore especially if it includes menopausal women in their 40/50s (unless they work solo). They are hormonal, bitchy, divisive, unhappy and unpredictable. I prefer working with men who have no weird shit going on. It’s mostly all above board apart from ladder climbing with blokes. Stop dwelling on it and get a new job. You can never win in a situation like that. When you’ve got your job you could tell HR in your exit interview the real reasons for leaving. Don’t do it until you’ve had your reference though. Sweetness and polite until that point.

I actually ended up going temping rather than getting a permanent job because of this. It meant I could try out the office environment before agreeing to be permanent.

@poopbear Those are some misogynistic, ageist views there. Well done. As though men aren't capable of bullying. Wake up and smell the patriarchy.

Not worth the battering your self confidence and happiness takes working in a place like that. I'd be looking for a new job. I know that sucks and you shouldn't be forced out but the reality is that you'd be better of elsewhere. Sorry OP I know it's rubbish

I refuse to work anywhere with groups of women anymore especially if it includes menopausal women in their 40/50s (unless they work solo). They are hormonal, bitchy, divisive, unhappy and unpredictable.
Wow , every single woman in their 40's and 50's fits this description do they. I better let my lovely colleagues know they need to up their game.

It’s one reason I refuse to work anywhere with groups of women anymore especially if it includes menopausal women in their 40/50s (unless they work solo). They are hormonal, bitchy, divisive, unhappy and unpredictable. I prefer working with men who have no weird shit going on. It’s mostly all above board apart from ladder climbing with blokes.

Wow the misogyny is real with this one.

I'm sure the women you so despise, for committing the crime of reaching middle age and still wanting to work within a team, are gutted they don't get to spend time in your presence.

Cunts are cunts regardless of age or gender. A vagina, hormones and a specific age doth not a cunt make.

Thank you for your help. It has clarified my thoughts and yes I believe I will have to leave rather than put up with this. I think not being invited to social after work has really put things in perspective for me. It has been hugely upsetting for me but I will not be bullied and I am worth more than that. I will begin looking for alternative jobs. Thanks to all posters