Advice on my tragic flirting

[Crafty11]

I'm in my early 30s and been single over 3 years now. I seem to be a bit of an awkward person when I like someone and it comes to flirting. I just freak out and back off. Even if I like them! They will be looking over or smiling and me and I will just avoid it because I feel so awkward.
I need some help! How do I stop doing this and engage in a bit of flirting?
There's a gym I fancy at my gym. He's lovely and he tries to strike conversations with me but I just keep it basic. It's like I find it hard to open up because of how hurt and damaged I've been in the past. I'm doing counselling and I mentioned that now I'm a strong person and have my boundaries I'm scared to let someone in who could ruin it.
How do I knock down my walls again?

You don't have to knock down your walls, just say 'hi' back or polite conversation back or even be a bit flirty if you feel comfortable with that, or whatever. It's just conversation.

You don't have to think of it as letting the walls down overmuch. Especially in a public place, it's just looking through the arrow slit. xx

But then how do you progress from friendly chat into more if they are flirty with you?

You don't actually HAVE to flirt. It's not compulsory. You can just be smiley, interested and interesting. Like you'd be with a good friend. Flirting isn't something you have to do.

I'd just say 'you seem like an interesting person, I think we might have a lot in common...' ect… words work just as well as flirty touches and all that stuff

What wrong with just going for a coffee and a chat? Get to know him a bit and take it from there.

Yea but how do you get to that point. I don't think I'm at the point of asking him for coffee? The way I act he probably thinks I'm not interested! I guess I'm also scared of rejection. Also if I am so much as a tad interested in someone I can't give good eye contact and get so nervous.

Just breathe and try your best to relax. Make an extra effort to smile and make eye contact. I’ve never gone further than that in the name of flirting. There’s no need.

Honestly to some people it might seem common sense but to me I just clam up and freak out

Don't look at every smiley man as a potential partner - just a potential friend. Chat with gym guy as you would to a potential new friend. Far less scary!

I know how you feel(and have the same predicament) and I know about the hurt and damage.

I think the guy I like likes me but I'm scared to ask him out for fear of rejection. We have a bit of flirting going on and I have caught him looking quite a few times but I go all silly when he is around and can't talk to him properly. He probably thinks I'm a complete idiot.

My issues are caused by the breakdown of my marriage which tore my world apart and broke my heart. I'm not sure I can let someone into my life like that again. So my walls are well and truly up. However he is also divorced so probably has the same fears.

As others have said breathe and be yourself, make eye contact, smile and be confident (even if you don't feel it). Just keep those conversations going, the more you talk to him the more at ease you will become and you never know he may ask you out. You don't have to flirt just be you.

Thanks everyone for your advice. Might have read it wrong and he may not even fancy me. Who knows

You're not alone. I think I know what you mean, Crafty, but I haven't completely figured out how to bridge the gap either. Currently I'm also second-guessing myself with someone I know slightly after months of polite chit-chat and smiling. I'm hoping that if I can just keep it up for long enough, somehow it will magically become clear or easy to move the conversation on. (Or I will just feel more confident either way that he is or isn't interested.)

I don't imagine most men as potential partners but when I very rarely do like someone, I doubt they can tell because I don't know how to convey it. I have no idea how to flirt. Friendly, personable and polite is all I can do and I worry about coming across somewhere between a nice hotel receptionist, a therapist and someone's mum.

Do update if you manage to advance the conversation with your gym acquaintance. It would be inspiring...

Trust your instincts. He may well fancy you!

Some people are just flirty. A friend of my is married for 15 years and still flirts with anything in trousers!

Everything will nicely come together in its own good time. With the right man, you can be yourself and it doesn't feel too hard.

Thank you nogood I said to my counsellor I feel like my walls are so far up and I'm scared to let someone else in. A huge spanner has been throw in as I bumped into someone yesterday who I've known since 15 years old who's suppose to be on the other side of the world permanently turns out he's home permanently now and we used to have a thing. He's asked me out

Just be cheerful?

Do you know gym guy at all? Ask him questions about himself, take an interest. If it seems natural, ask casually if he has a girlfriend. And be prepared to tell him about yourself if he asks, or he says something you have in common.

Do you want to go out with the old flame?