I couldn't shake the ick and it DID end in divorce

[Lhia29]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3817072-I-cant-shake-the-ick-Does-it-always-end-in-divorce?pg=4&order=

That was my original thread. I just wanted to share that only 2 weeks or so later and H has moved out and accepted my divorce petition for unreasonable behaviour so I've applied for my decree nisi! It's been a bit of a whirlwind but I wanted to put a more permanent message on here (than just at the end of my old thread) to say thank you so much to all the kind and wise MNers who replied and helped me find my spine. My mental health has taken a turn for the better since he's been out and I feel more like myself than I have in a couple of years. It's still pretty hard in little moments but the extra advice and support from here was invaluable.

And to anyone wondering if they should kick an EA husband or partner to the curb or give him another chance because he's begged and promised to change, get rid! Life is too short

I was on your previous thread and just want to say again how amazing you are. Once you had your eyes opened there really was no going back.

Like I said to my DM last night, you think these people have grown with you and you need them to survive. Then you realise they've suffocated you like weeds and you need to untangle them from yourself if you want to thrive and actually be happy.

chewchew you gave some great encouragement thank you.

I never thought I'd see something like that and feel happy about it. You just never know.

Remarkable how many women with MH issues feel so much better after ditching their EA DH/DP.

A poster on the happy singles thread said how much happier and more imaginative and productive they felt being free of an unhappy relationship. It can really grind you down.

Happy future OP!

There's a happy singles thread? I need to find it...

It's an odd realisation because I've had mh issues on/off my whole adult life but they took such a dive the last 2 years and I couldn't work out why but now, with the benefit of hindsight, I know it's because I was with someone who saw me as a possession and who was slowly cutting me off from the people that make me feel good and the hobbies that make me feel good. All my mental energy was sucked up by our relationship. It is like waking up from a bad dream.

This might be a little outing but we got married on April Fools day (it did have a significant meaning to me as a date other than April fools day which is why we chose it). Looking back that was the beginning of the end 😂

Am I the the only one one who was daft enough to think her ref number was a whale? Good on you Op!

Brilliant 😂 I see it now!

Am I the the only one one who was daft enough to think her ref number was a whale?

And it's a sperm whale! 🤣 Apt.

Congratulations OP. Well done. 🎉

Very apt haha. Thank you

Fixed it

It's crazy how things change so fast. 3 weeks ago I was a total wreck, dreading telling H that it was over and I was done.

Now I'm sat here eating Indian takeaway (could never have it before because he hated it), with some delightfully cheesy shite on Netflix in the background, scrolling through MN and feeling completely relaxed and calm. I wish I'd done it sooner but there was definitely some sunken coast fallacy stuff going on. And "gotta try and make it work for the kids even if it costs me my actual sanity and dignity "