Think I'm falling out of love

[fedup212]

I don't know why I'm writing on here maybe I need to get it out once and for all . Been with my partner nearly 10 years . We are engaged . No children . Getting our own house this year . Planning on a baby . Iv always had issues with him . His behaviour. He can be so horrible on times . I hasn't had the best up brining so I have always felt sorry for him . When he's nice he's lonely and I feel so content . But obviously it doesn't last . The past few months have been great . I have been so happy and really looking foward to our future . But from Saturday everything has changed and it's upsetting me . He's not very good when he's drinking. He turns in to a nasty person if he has too much . We have been saving for a house so not been out much lately so I had been looking foward to a valentines meal that we planned which was last Saturday . Everything was great when we got there but he drank 8 pints in two hours . I could see he was changing . We got home and that was it . He was horrid . And something has clicked . I no longer want a future with him at all . I don't love him I couldn't care less if he left . Is this normal and possible for one night to completely change they way you feel about somone . I'm fed up of being made to feel like it's always me . He said it was my fault that he went horrible on the weekend . I would never in a million years have a. Baby with him now . I don't ever want a child of mine having to put up with being emotionally abused and feel like their walking on eggshells . I'm just so confused . Obviously him being the way he is has happened so many times and the only thing I have felt afterwards is worry . Worry that he is going to leave me and not love me no more . But this time I feel nothing . Word of advice please . Thankyou.

Just get out now, while it's relatively easy. Don't buy a house with him, and don't have a child with him.

It’s time to go. Don’t delay, do it now.

Yes you're done.

Please get out now - the longer you leave it the more difficult it is. It's great that you have no ties. Don't buy a house. You'll get good advice on here on how to leave and how to manage him during it.

Make plans to be single, you know what you have to do.

Don't delay, get out now.

Given his nature - and the amount of effort he's expended getting you obedient and under control - I would be concerned that he would try to get you pregnant if he knows you're on the way out.

Don't have sex with him and move out as soon as physically possible.

It's not just one evening, fedup. It's ten years of "horrible" behaviour, not respecting you and abusing alcohol.

You've had a lightbulb switch - good for you and you must seize on it and move on.
His behaviour will only get worse when/if you marry and have children because he will take you for granted that much more.

Think of the positives, you are not married or have children with this man. Nothing to tie you to him. I assume you have some saving if you were looking at buying a house too?

You can't fix this. Your brain has told you enough is enough. Go with it.

Thankyou for all your lovely replies . I really appreciate them . I thought I was going to get quite a bit of abuse saying how stupid I have been for staying this long . I'm in work atm I will reply to you all as soon as I get home. Thankyou all again ❤️ xxx

You already know what to do op. Move on. You deserve better

How are you going to extract your half of the house savings? I hope it is in account you can access. Get some advice on this perhaps?

Do not tell him your plans. Prepare well and leave. Good luck and I'm sorry you've been let down like this. When you are feeling sad, try and frame it in your mind that, even though it doesn't feel like it, you have had a lucky escape not having DC with this man.

Hope you are ok op!

People who 'turn nasty' when they drink towards others should know not to drink in the first place. So the drink is not an excuse.

And people who are nasty and horrible at times are usually just, well, nasty and horrible. If it walks like a duck...

Defo get outta there!

Get out now, this sounds awful. There's better out there...

You're not stupid for staying in the relationship for so long. It happens, women get attached to horrible men and stay because they feel "safe", familiar, and they are afraid of being alone and unloved. Changes are hard and frightening, sometimes so much that we delay them and stay stuck in the same place. But they're worth it.

You're now in the perfect position to leave and start a new life. You're not tied to him in any way. Absolutely don't buy a house with him and have children. The fact that you're seeing that yourself now is clearly showing that you've had enough and you've grown up. Good for you! You deserve respect and consider this a lucky escape.

Start planning and working on leaving now xx

Hi really sorry I didn't reply yesterday. I had to work on 😅. Well yesterday he didn't text me all day . Everyday I will have a morning love you text . When I got home he was already there . I asked him why he had ignored me all day and he said because I had . So I just went out the kitchen to make his food and then had a shower . When I sat down he looked really sad. I asked him if he was feeling down and he said no but I know he was . Don't know if it has anything to do with him on the weekend or he was just having an off day. He was loving all night . Arm around me ect . This is what does my head in . When he's like this all my worries go away . I feel so happy . But they never last . And I go from feeling like everything is going to be ok to feeling like it's awful . I'm on the pill thankgod . And I won't be coming off it . I really feel like he has so much growing up to do . He's 30 so it should of happened by now . I'm not blowing my on trumpet but I feel if he can't make it work with me he's never going to make it work with anyone . He has everything ready for him to work clothes , pjs food food for work . I could go on and on . Also I'm the least moodiest person going . I'm hardly ever in a mood . I show him so much affection. I don't look at other men because all I want / did want is a future with him . I'm back to feeling like everything is ok now but I know I should just tell him how it is. He was looking at houses last night also he's looking at houses that are away from my family and where I have grown up . I don't want to move away but when I mention it he loses his temper again . X

Why are you falling over yourself do sort a grown man's food and clothes out. Stop it. He isn't fucking helpless.
Make plans to leave. He is trying to separate you from your family. Huge red flag.

He is behaving abusively. It’s not how well your partner behaves in the good times that counts - it’s how nastily your partner behaves in the bad times. Abusers know their partners would leave if they were nasty to them all the time so between times they can be charming, loving etc. It also keeps their partner confused and off balance.

Pay attention to how you felt when he got drunk and was abusing you on your last outing. This is how he’s behaving to you now - it is only likely to get worse once you have bought a house together and/or had a baby because he will know it will be much harder for you to walk away. Domestic violence tends to increase when the abuser knows it will be harder for the victim to get away.

You might find it helpful to read Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.

@fedup212 please don't be me. I stayed, I got married, I had kids. It was so much harder to leave after all that. Plus now I am stuck trying to coparent with him.

It will never get any better, it will only get worse once you are married. He isn't bothered, he isn't sorry, he isn't afraid of losing you.

This will be your life.

Read what you said, don't forget how he made you feel last week. Tell someone in rl.

Good luck